


Secrets

by PhantomGrimalkin



Category: Captain America (2011), Incredible Hulk (2008), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Always-a-girl!Bruce, Bruce has a horrible backstory, Child Abuse, F/M, Just assume anything involving Bruce has a lot of abuse, Past Abuse, Queer Themes, Slow Build, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-10
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-13 22:34:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 38,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomGrimalkin/pseuds/PhantomGrimalkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has succeeded in getting Bruce to agree to stay in Candyland with him, but is getting aggravated at how little Bruce is opening up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Five Dollar Milkshakes

They'd saved the world, they were heroes. Alright, admittedly, some people were trying to pin responsibility for the whole attack on them- but overall the sentiment was that they were heroes. It seemed to be the kick in the pants Steve needed to get him out and getting reacquainted with the world, finally. Clint and Natasha were off to do... whatever it was spies did together. Reenacting “Mr And Mrs Smith” was Tony's bet. Thor was off to sort out his family issues and be a prince. And Bruce was---

“What are you planning to do, exactly?” Tony asked him after they had started driving off. He'd convinced Bruce to let him give him a ride, but the detail of 'where to' had been omitted.

Bruce shrugged and smiled at him, “Disappear again, try to do a better job of it this time.”

Tony frowned as he kept his eyes on the road, “You just saved all of New York City and, on a _far_ more important note, my life, and you're going off to some shack in the middle of 3rd World Nowhere?”

“I can do a lot of good there,” he said quietly, “And without the risk of doing so much damage.”

“Okay, so, remember that job offer I made?” Tony asked and Bruce looked at him with confusion, “Oh, you didn't get that my inviting you to my lab was a job offer? Well it was. Now- I'm going to make it again, this time promising that you can put an extra focus on developing things to help people in third world countries, using your special expertise having been there and all.”

“That's a very flattering offer, really, but I can't accept that,” he said with a small smile, shaking his head.

“Sure you can,” Tony insisted, “You know, I would even consider it a favor to me. Not only do I get the wonderful advantage of your company- and I am not exaggerating when I say that- but I get to go in front of the press and say that I've hired an expert genius to start developing technology to help third world people. I've got a lot of work cleaning up my reputation, you know.”

“Somehow, I don't think employing the _Hulk_ will help your reputation as much as you think.”

Tony raised an eyebrow, “A guy saves my life and I'm not allowed to give him a job? What is the world coming to.”

“Tony...” Bruce complained. They sat in silence for a few moments. “Tony- you passed the turn for the airport.”

“Well, obviously. Now, I'm sure that the airport has very nice restaurants but I prefer to do my recruiting at 5 star places. I know an Indian place that you will positively love. Or anything you want, really, I'm flexible- I also know some fantastic burger places if you're missing American food.”

Bruce sighed and shook his head, although his lips still twitched upwards into a slight smile, “It's really hard to imagine eating beef after living so long in a majority Hindu population.” He glanced off to the side, out the 'window' of the convertible, trying not to add on that it was hard to imagine eating in a 5 star restaurant after barely having enough to eat for years.

“Right, I forgot about that, you're choice then- what do you feel like? Sushi? I swear if you still want to turn down my job proposal afterwards I will give you the money- in cash- to get another plane ticket and drop you off at the airport, no questions asked.”

For awhile Bruce didn't say anything and Tony started to worry that he'd done the wrong thing. Finally he spoke, “You know what, I could really go for ice cream- a real milkshake.”

Tony grinned and flicked on the turn signal while JARVIS flipped up directions onto the dashboard computer, “That is incredibly doable.”

* * *

That was how Doctor Robert Bruce Banner got on Stark Industries' payroll, a $5 milkshake when Tony would happily have offered him a $1,000 meal. Bruce got his own lab, specially designed for him in the renovations that he helped Tony and Pepper design. Pepper had had a few misgivings about having him around, heard all the horror stories about the other guy while looking up Tony's team mates. Hearing about how Hulk had essentially saved the day, single-handedly subdued Loki _and_ saved Tony's life, then meeting the shy doctor who responded to kindness with confusion melted those misgivings away. She'd feel a tiny bit of guilt for ever having them on the few times that Bruce opened up enough to talk about his life after 'the incident' and whenever someone on the news dragged up what a monster and menace he was.

A month later, Tony finally decided that the grace period on 'getting adjusted' had ended and Bruce's refusal to get close to anyone or open up was something else. The most logical answer was that Bruce was afraid of getting chased away again, or turned to a lab rat, if he screwed up. His experiences with Afghanistan and Obie were more than enough to be painfully aware of the sort of things Bruce feared, and to convince him that there was little more important than ensuring Bruce would never actually have that fear come to pass. The first thing he had done after getting back, after getting Bruce settled in, was ask JARVIS to find the information about anyone who might want to track Bruce down; what they wanted him for, what their weaknesses were, how much of a threat they were. There was a database, now, of people who were searching or had searched for Bruce, and intimate details of how best to destroy them if they made a move now.

He mentioned it to Bruce one day, casually, hoping it would help. Bruce smiled at him and thanked him, insisted it wasn't necessary, then things went back to the way they had been. Bruce was still guarded, although he seemed a little bit more relaxed. That might have just been wishful thinking, though.

“Steve's coming over today, to check out the adjustments we made to his suit,” Tony told him over breakfast one day, which for Tony consisted of coffee and whatever Bruce cooked for him, silently hoping that maybe having another Avenger around might open him up somehow.

Bruce looked up and at him for a moment before nodding, “Alright, maybe I'll see you for dinner, then.” He looked down and shrugged, “Or not, whatever.”

Tony stared at him, “You helped me make the changes, you're part of the team, I thought you'd want to see him, too.”

“No, it's fine, I wouldn't want to intrude,” he took a bite of toast, “Besides, _I'm_ not part of the team and I don't really want to find out if Steve's suit is Hulk-proof that way.”

“That's not true- you're just as much a part of the team as the other guy is, you wouldn't be intruding. You helped make it- really, you're the one who worked out what fibers would give the most flexibility and protection, I just supplied the way to make it,” Tony insisted, shaking his head and leaning back. He sipped his coffee, wondering if Bruce was aware how difficult it was for Tony to give him credit on anything, hoping the gesture would be accepted for as meaningful as it was.

“That's nice of you to say, but I'd really rather not be there, I've got more important things to do.” Tony frowned and glared down at the half-finished eggs on his plate. One look at him told Bruce that he'd made a mistake, “Tony- I didn't... I mean...”

“No, it's fine, more important things and all that,” he grumbled, taking the mug of coffee and standing up, walking over to the pot of coffee on the counter.

Bruce sighed heavily, “It's not you- I just... I don't want to be around Steve, okay?”

Tony didn't look up from pouring his coffee, “And why is that?” Bruce didn't answer, so he turned around and leaned against the counter, smiling slightly, “I admit, the boy scout thing does grate on the nerves but that's not enough to make me avoid him.”

“I don't trust him.” Bruce's eyes were fixated on the top of the island counter that he was sitting at, refusing to look at Tony.

“Is it even possible to not trust Captain America?” Tony asked, the words out of his mouth before he thought about it. Bruce's eyes snapped up at him and he immediately regretted the words.

“He's army, and built like all of those _jocks_ that beat me up for--” he dropped his head and took a deep breath, and Tony realized that this is the first time that he'd seen Bruce actually have to calm himself down. Bruce stood up and dumped his plate and cup in the sink, not looking at Tony, who didn't make any move to stop him. He walked out of the room, muttering, “And he's from the _40s_ which weren't exactly...” Tony didn't catch the rest.

 

* * *

It did not take a genius to work out what Bruce's problem was, and Tony would be very, very put off if it turned out that the guy that his dad wouldn't shut up about was a gay-basher. After the meeting to check out the suit, which went very well even if Tony got stopped every 5 words and asked to put it in layman's terms, Tony asked him to get coffee with him. During it he managed to subtly bring the conversation around to the differences between when Steve had gone under and now. Or, at least, he thought it was subtle. Steve, however, just smiled and shook his head and said, “Yeah, Fury was worried about that, too, made me go through sensitivity training.”

“That's actually pretty normal these days,” Tony assured him, then grinned, “If it's any help- I lost count of how many times they made me go through it some time after the 10th.”

Steve raised his eyebrows at that and then shook his head, “It's jarring to realize how backwards I was... everyone was, really, but I should have learned better. I wish I'd known better growing up.”

Tony smiled at him, “Hey, don't worry about it, we're still learning, you know, all of us, sometimes we still mess up. The important thing is that you know better now. Some people still don't.”

“I know,” Steve said with a sigh, “Some days I'm overwhelmed with how much things have changed, some I'm just... horrified by how little they have.”

“I think a lot of people have that feeling, these days,” Tony agreed, “Is there anything that sticks out about it?”

Steve bit his lip and looked up nervously at Tony, then took a deep breath. He leaned closer to Tony, voice suddenly a hushed whisper to avoid being overheard, “Well, um, I was... pretty upset to find out about that... um... Don't Ask Don't Tell, is that what it was called?” Tony nodded acknowledgement. Steve smiled slightly and took another deep breath. “50 years after I went under, that was the best way they thought of to handle... And then they only fixed it a year before I came back up. When I was serving there were guys who... well, they never said it but you could tell and they helped work for our freedom as much as anyone else, and...” Steve looked down again, his face bright red. Tony managed to avoid sighing in relief.

“We're pretty far behind a lot of countries in that respect,” Tony said quietly, “But we're also far ahead of a lot of others.”

“We're getting there,” Steve said heavily, smiling slightly at Tony, “That's what matters.”

They sat there for a moment, Steve stirring his coffee nervously and Tony watched him. “I'm the first one you've talked to about this, aren't I?”

Steve continued stirring for a moment before answering, “Sometimes it would come up, sort of, in the military but... not a lot, never this casually.”

“Are you...?”

Steve shrugged, “I don't really know. I love... loved? Peggy, so much, and it was easy to not think about whether or not it was just women because no one thought it could be anything else... I just didn't think about it.” He smiled slightly at Tony, “I didn't really have a chance to think about it. During the war, the enemy and staying alive were bigger priorities. Before it... I had so many health issues and spent too much time fighting bullies and trying to get into the army to worry too much about whether or not my interest in men was admiration or...” He took a sip of his juice and looked away.

“If it's any help, there are plenty of people still working that thing out nowadays, you aren't that behind the times,” Tony offered with a grin. “If you want, I'm sure every queer support group in the country would be falling over themselves to have Captain America join.”

“No!” Steve said, a bit too forcefully and he shrunk into himself slightly, glancing around as if all eyes were on him. The coffee place was loud enough that only a few people glanced over, and quickly lost interest. They were dressed as incognito as they could be, no one had mobbed them for pictures yet at least. Steve still lowered his voice enough that Tony had to lean over and strain to hear again, “I... I'm still not comfortable with this, I don't want to risk it getting out.”

“I understand,” Tony said, knowing exactly the reaction that would come about if it turned out that Captain America was queer. He took a sip of his coffee and managed to suppress a grimace. “Is it alright if the others know? I'm not too sure about Thor, but I'm sure the rest of the team won't treat you differently for it.”

“I think... that would be...” Steve frowned and furrowed his brow for a moment, “Is that why Bruce isn't here?”

“What do you mean?"

Steve fidgeted in his seat, “You said that he was busy and couldn't make it... I know that I didn't make the greatest first impression, acting like he would bring the Helicarrier down over a hang nail, I don't know if he really accepted my apology for that, and it's not exactly a secret that I came from a less progressive time...” He looked up at Tony sadly, “That's why he isn't here, isn't it?”

“I'm honestly not sure exactly what it is,” Tony said, then looked down, “But, uh, yeah. That's the best I can guess.”

“Fuck,” Steve muttered, running a hand through his hair and sitting back in his seat. Tony just stared at him, he really hadn't thought that Steve knew about cursing. “Do you think I should talk to him?”

Tony shook his head, “I'll bring this up, see if it's really what was bothering him. Might help.” He smiled, “Don't worry too much about it, yeah? You haven't said anything really awful to him. He'll get over whatever it is, I'm sure.”

Steve nodded, frowning slightly as he did.


	2. Tony Stark's Greatest Hits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the kudos! I don't get email updates about them, so I just clicked on AO3 and saw all of them. I appreciate it so much!
> 
> [Also: a warning on this chapter for use of slurs and mentions of abuse]

When Tony got back to Stark Tower, soon to be the Avenger's Tower, it was early evening. He wasn't entirely sure if he'd actually be seeing Bruce that night, they never got a chance to make plans for dinner. They'd fallen into the habit of eating meals together not long after they started working in the same lab most of the time. Bruce noticed how little Tony actually ate, or slept, and took to dragging him out for meals. There was never an official schedule, though, and sometimes Tony would have some company thing to do, or Bruce would go out to do errands (Tony kept insisting this was unnecessary, that anything he wanted could be delivered, but Bruce insisted and when he agreed to bring a phone with a tracking device, Tony stopped complaining) so they ate together only about as often as they didn't.

Tony frowned, asked JARVIS if Bruce was in, and frowned deeper to hear that Bruce was on the roof.

“I thought that no one was allowed up there...” Tony muttered.

“He pointed out that the main concern was safety, which is not a concern in his situation, and that it would help him relax which would increase the safety for everyone else in the tower,” JARVIS explained simply, “As he is at one of the highest security levels, and I am able to monitor activity on the roof, I did not consider there to be any threat in allowing him access.”

Tony had been in the elevator making his way up to the top of the tower. When he reached the top floor, he tried to open the door to the roof and frowned again when he found it locked.

“Sir,” JARVIS said gently, “ _Your_ safety _is_ a concern on the roof, and is the very reason that this rule was made.”

Tony rubbed the bridge of his nose, “Override it!”

JARVIS sighed. Tony groaned, of course he couldn't override safety protocols that easily, they'd been designed specifically so that they could only be overridden in case of emergency. Fortunately, Tony didn't have long enough to figure out how to manually override that particular rule as the door swung open, revealing Bruce. His hair was tousled by the wind, and he frowned when he saw Tony.

“Hey, I was looking for you,” Tony explained, “I talked to Steve today.”

“I imagined that's what showing him his new suit would entail,” Bruce said, his lips twitching slightly upwards. The two fell into step, walking towards the elevator.

“Well, yes, but I also talked to him about how things have changed, turns out he was pretty peeved to find out DADT was ever instated, even more so that they only got rid of it this year,” he explained with a particularly proud smirk.

“That's good to know,” Bruce said calmly, pressing the button on the elevator that would take them to his living quarters.

Tony frowned, “So... you don't have to worry about being around him.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow, “Sorry?”

“That's what your problem was, wasn't it, worried that he would have a problem with you being gay,” Tony insisted, sounding as if he was genuinely trying to convince Bruce of this.

“I'm not gay, Tony,” Bruce said evenly, shaking his head, “I'd be a hypocrite to have a problem with anyone for something like that, but I'm not.”

“Okay, right, you had a girlfriend- so bi, then? Or pan or whatever you prefer to call yourself- if you do, hell, I gave up on labels when I was 16- I really shouldn't have assumed _gay_ ,” Tony finished, waiving a hand, “But, generally, you were worried Steve had a 40s view of queerness, right?”

“Tony, please stop trying to guess what I'm thinking,” Bruce replied with a sigh as the elevator doors opened, he stepped out, and glanced at a confused Tony, who was staying put. “I was planning on making dinner, if you'd like to join me.”

Tony nodded, putting an arm out to stop the closing doors before stepping out, brows furrowed.

* * *

Bruce Banner was accustomed to secrets. Bruce had learned to lie very early on. Before kindergarten, Bruce's father had given a very long, graphic speech about _exactly_ what would happen to Bruce if anything that happened at home came up during school. The message was taken to heart, and very soon the lies came so naturally that, sometimes, they seemed like reality. “No, Mrs. Davis, I've never even been _spanked_!” “I fell off of my bike, Billy, that's how I broke my arm.” “I got into a fight in school, Uncle Morris, my dad called the teacher already...”

But Bruce had learned to lie even before that, learned very early a secret that would be easiest to keep-that Robert Bruce Banner was a woman.

Now, yes, Bruce was very aware of the basic concepts of biology, thank you very much, and had long since been aware that she was very, very far from the normal concept of a woman. She was a transgender woman, and, as a result of her situation, one who was fully aware that she would never be accepted as such.

She'd first found out that she was different, and that the difference had to be hidden, at 3. She'd found a dress of her mother's in the clean laundry pile and, like little girls sometimes will, wanted to play dress up. She grinned at herself in the ridiculously oversized dress, pretending to be dressed up for some fancy affair. Her dad had found her first and the excited grin, the “Daddy- look how pretty I am!” faded quickly at the expression on his face.

That was the day that Brian Banner realized emotional abuse wasn't enough to fix his mutant, freak of a child, that he didn't have to just beat Bruce's abnormal intellect out of him. Rebecca's scream was what made him stop, for once, and she grabbed her child up in her arms and managed to put on a smile while she held ice to the bruises and explained quietly what had daddy so upset.

There were a few other incidents that drove the message home. Wanting to play with the girls in kindergarten had gotten Bruce teased by the boys and scolded by the teacher (who, after Bruce's tearful apology and begging, promised not to tell her parents). In middle school, a bottle of clear nail polish crashed out of her backpack while the jocks had grabbed it and so Bruce was no longer just tormented for being the weirdo loner nerd, but also for being the _girly_ weirdo loner nerd. In highschool, one of Bruce's few friends came out as gay- so she tried coming out as transgender, and he scoffed and told Bruce that that wasn't _really_ a thing, that it was just queer people trying to be straight, and got angry when Bruce tried to insist otherwise. He told the wrong person about this, and it ended up getting out a bit, and a few more epiphets were added to 'girly weirdo loner nerd' that Bruce still didn't care to think about. Fortunately that had happened late into senior year, so when the rumor got out there was only about a month for them to figure out how to torment Bruce about it before graduation.

(There were also times that made her feel okay to be who she was. Mostly just clothes shopping for school. The first time, her mother noticed the way she looked longingly at the brightly colored girl's clothes and told her that she could try on a few outfits if she put them back without a fight, and agreed to get boy's clothes. Her mother would coo over her, tell her what a beautiful girl she was and then, with moist eyes, hug her close, apologize, and tell her to put the clothes back. This happened each year until Bruce's dad killed her. The year after, Aunt Susan had to guess Bruce's size because she couldn't walk into a clothes store without crying.)

In college, she'd met Betty and further shoved all those desires and wants into the back of her mind and tried to lead a normal life with this amazing woman. In post-grad, it seemed like that plan would stick, although there would still be itches that were getting harder to ignore, and then the gamma bomb went off and... well... there were more important thoughts.

Or maybe it would be more accurate to say that the thoughts got buried more easily on the run, not that the others were more important. In places where she couldn't understand what people were saying, she could ignore what gender was used to refer to her. When she could barely afford clothes, she could pretend that was the only reason for the ones she was wearing. Trying to avoid being recognized made it easier to justify hiding who she was from them. As much as she was running from Ross, she was running from herself.

That was the only real reason that she still wanted to run. Everyone else on the team would think otherwise, but she wasn't an idiot. Stark Tower was the safest place for her to be, the security system was beyond state of the art, JARVIS would alert them to any attacks or break-ins and, if Ross dared try, he'd have a pissed off Ironman to deal with.

That didn't change the fact that the painfully understandable English terms like 'he' and 'guy' aimed at her made her stomach clench up each time, that the money in her bank account resulted in her itching to buy the blouses and slippers and everything she saw in the too many store windows down each New York street. (sometimes she'd even let herself fantasize about bigger things- hormone treatments, surgeries, electrolysis- then she'd remember Hulk) It didn't make it easier to deal with the nightmares that came with the ability to sleep several hours straight- the ones of fists and beatings and shouted slurs that made JARVIS wake her up because she was about to Hulk out; and the far more painful ones of being in a body that was comfortable, around people who knew and loved her for who _she_ was. Sometimes, when it got bad enough, the terror of being on the run felt like a better alternative. Her rational, logical mind took over quickly enough, but the thought lingered.

Which was why she wasn't about to explain to Tony that, no, being annoyed over DADT or that it took so long to get repealed didn't do anything to comfort her about Steve. (for one thing, trans people still weren't allowed to serve openly in the military, and if Steve didn't care about that then it did nothing to comfort her) It wasn't really about that, anyways, she didn't exactly trust Tony to be accepting, either, it was just that Steve was big and muscled and built like everyone who had ever beat her up even though she was logically aware Steve wasn't that kind of person. (to be accurate, Brian Banner was _not_ built like that, but to a small child, he had been a giant) It was a problem she had with Thor and, to a degree, Clint as well. And that was something Bruce would have to get over in her own damn time, and would do. Really. Just, now it was easier to let Hulk deal with them instead.

That didn't stop Tony from trying to figure it out, though, much to her endless annoyance. She could have smoothed it over easily enough, just explained how her dad had done testing on himself and did work with radiation so when she was born and showed high intelligence he took it as proof that she was a mutated freak and so punished her for being smart and then, well, you know how school kids are. (She doubted very, very highly that Tony knew how school kids were, as if anyone would have the guts to pick on _Tony Stark_ for long) But even that was hard to talk about, and it was wrapped too closely with things that she couldn't let slip. Not just gender things, also the fact that Brian Banner really had killed her mother, or the exact circumstances surrounding her father's untimely demise. It was better to let everyone think that Hulk was the only murderer in the outfit.

It was easy enough to hide, really, she'd been hiding it all her life. Hiding the abuse, hiding who she was, hiding everything. There couldn't possibly be anything on the internet to tell Tony what had happened, there were no files, no one official ever knew about the abuse. Everyone knew, of course, but no one reported it. After her father finally killed his wife and threatened Bruce into keeping her mouth shut, Aunt Susan & Uncle Morris (her father's siblings) stepped in and convinced him to give up custody to Susan and her husband, or else Morris would file charges. Morris may have been out of his jurisdiction, but he was still a sheriff and knew how to work the system.

And she was hiding it well, until one day when Tony was babbling on about something or other and ended up on the subject of his hook-ups. Actually, Tony had ended up on the subject of Bruce's theoretical hook-ups and, when Bruce refused to speak, started listing his in an attempt to open his labmate up.

It seemed to be a “greatest hits” of Tony's most embarassing experiences, like the time he found out that drunken one-night stands and bondage didn't work out- apparently he had ended up tied to the bed as she stole his wallet. Bruce started tuning out, and Tony started, “Okay, and this one time was with a woman who, when things started getting hot, gave me a huge surprise.”

“Another one's husband came home early?” Bruce asked vaguely.

“Hey, that only happened once and she told me he was okay with it,” Tony objected, “But, no, we're going for most embarassing here, anyways, I just gotta say how impressive tranni--"

“ _Tony_ ,” Bruce interrupted sharply, voice quickly softening, “Unless you're going to talk about having sex with an engine, don't finish that sentence.”

Tony raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly, “Well, if you wanted _those_ stories...”

“Tell me you're joking.”

“Oh, like you've never tried it with... your area of interest,” Tony trailed off as he realized that he'd stumbled into a delicate area, eyeing Bruce warily.

Bruce just snorted, though, “Yes, Tony, Hulk came to be because I was trying to fuck gamma radiation.”

Tony grinned wickedly, “I knew it. You know- I bet that if you made it a gamma irradiated vampire, that story'd sell better than Twilight.”

“Please tell me you aren't thinking of actually writing that...” Bruce said, face blank until she knew how to respond properly.

“Nah, I'll leave that to the fans,” Tony replied with a chuckle, “But if you ever give me the rights to a Bruce Banner Tells All book- you better believe that'll be in there.”

They ended up joking about that for awhile, including some jabs about what Tony's “tell-alls” involved. After they had veered sufficiently off topic and Bruce was again relaxed that the topic had been dropped entirely, Tony leaned against his desk and said “So- what made you interrupt that story, exactly?”

Bruce shrugged slightly, “I just... look, that's really not a nice thing to call a person, Tony.”

“I'm pretty sure I've called Cap worse and you never cared,” he pointed out. Bruce raised an eyebrow at that, and Tony frowned, “It's not that bad, is it?”

“Yes, Tony, it is,” Bruce said with a sigh, taking off her glasses and massaging the bridge of her nose.

Tony shifted slightly, “The woman I was talking about- that's what she called herself, though...”

Bruce's lips tightened into a thin line for a moment, “I'm glad you didn't think it was fine to use it for her without that... Some people have reclaimed it, but for a lot of people it's just associated with too many painful memories.”

There was silence for a moment as Tony watched Bruce carefully and Bruce buried herself in her work to try and pretend Tony wasn't looking at her so closely.

“You're in the second group, then?” Tony asked.

“I don't want to talk about this, Tony.”

“You don't mean...”

“I'm not saying anything that could mean anything.”

“But, are you...”

“I don't think you're capable of finishing that sentence in a way that won't piss me off, so please don't,” Bruce replied.

Tony frowned, “That's hardly fair.”

“I have to have _some_ perks from occasionally getting shoved out of consciousness by a green monster,” she pointed out with a slight smirk.

They sat in silence for another moment, about as long a moment as Tony ever can really sit in silence before Tony stretched slightly, “So we should probably talk pronouns, that sort of stuff.”

“Please don't,” Bruce looked down, biting her lip, “I just can't handle it.”

“I thought that was, like, Trans 101, first thing to do?”

“It is, you did a good job for knowing that, it's just... most trans people aren't in my situation, Tony, I can't handle it.”

By some miracle, Tony accepted that, shrugged, and diverted the conversation back to science. Bruce was well aware that the conversation wasn't going to be dropped for good, but she was glad it was dropped for now.

And if Bruce suddenly felt comfortable building a small collection of all the things she'd never been allowed to have, even if she still didn't dare let them be seen by anyone else, well, Tony didn't say anything about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how many people are still with me now?
> 
> I'd really appreciate critique for this, I'm transgender but not a trans woman. I want to do this as well as possible. If I need to change anything or just really botch it up, please let me know.


	3. Hulk Protect

The situation annoyed Tony. Not because Bruce was... well, whatever it was that Bruce considered himself (herself? themself?), Tony had met trans people before. Wouldn't call any of them close friends, but he didn't have a problem with them. But this _was_ the first time Tony had met someone, well, “before”, he had never known someone as one gender and found out they were another. At least, he assumed it was before- then again, maybe it wasn't, that seemed incredibly unlikely unless Bruce had managed to hack _all_ of the files out there that had mention of it.

No, it was because there was something out there that Tony didn't understand, and Bruce had made it clear that it wasn't something Tony could ask about in the near future. Possibly ever. That didn't happen to Tony Stark, the man who would hack into the most secure databases just to find out everything about the people he considered important. Now suddenly there was something that was probably important and Tony had no way of finding out anything else. And he did try, he had JARVIS go back over Bruce's files with a fine tooth comb to see if there was any hints in there- a highschool 'permanent record' about bullying complaints was about all he could bring up.

It took pretty much all of Tony's willpower to not start grilling Bruce about it every time they worked together, and considering the amount of time they spent in the lab together, that was a lot of willpower. He really deserved some sort of reward for this.

Contemplating how, exactly, he was going to reward himself for this feat was interrupted by JARVIS, though.

The music switched off and JARVIS's voice could be heard, although both Tony and Bruce were already sitting up to see what was going on. The music switching off meant an emergency- otherwise, JARVIS would either speak over it or just lower it.

“Sirs, Captain Rogers has called the Avengers to... Assemble,” the AI informed them, leaving a pause before 'assemble' as if he couldn't believe that he had to say that. “The Mark VIII is prepared and I have provided information to your screens.”

“Thank you, JARVIS,” Tony said, turning to the screen. He looked over it for about two minutes before groaning, “A _witch_? Really? What's she gonna do, pull a rabbit out of her hat?”

“That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!” Bruce suggested in a strong Scottish accent, chuckling afterwards.

Tony shook his head, smirking slightly as he pushed his chair away from the desk and went to where the Mark VIII was kept, “If we have to fight that rabbit, I'm calling in sick.”

* * *

They really needed to work out a better mode of travel. Luckily all of the villains had been nice enough to attack in New York, and Tony new how to manage New York traffic, but driving up in a ridiculously expensive sports car just didn't scream “super hero”. He generally parked a ways away so he could suit up and make a dramatic entrance anyways, but since Bruce couldn't fly _or_ drive, taking the suit to places wasn't really workable if they wanted the Hulk to get there that day _without_ levelling Manhattan in the process.

The others were already there, “there” being a small town about an hour outside the city. What the town probably considered its most populated area, which meant about 10 stores and a few restaurants, had been evacuated and was now being torn apart by a rather annoyed looking young woman in red while the other Avengers tried limiting the damage or getting a blow in. After Tony took another look, he revised what he'd said before- she looked more in scared than annoyed, jumping slightly after every bit of damage and staring off into the distance.

Upon seeing the town, Tony understood what Clint's grumbling over the coms about no high ground was all about- the tallest building, the church, was only about 4 stories at its highest point. From there, Clint had tried getting some shots in, but when they got within about 3 feet of the woman they exploded harmlessly.

“What are we looking at here?” Bruce called in through the comm as Tony suited up, they hadn't been able to get Hulk to use a communicator but until Hulk came out to play, Bruce still found it useful.

“Looks like a mutant,” Black Widow replied, “Not entirely sure what her power is- but it's destructive, we only got here about 15 minutes ago. Fury's getting ahold of the mutant specialists SHIELD knows, hopefully help will be on the way.”

They heard Bruce sigh over the comm, “Another kid getting used to their powers?”

“Seems like it. I tried talking her down and didn't get a response, Hawkeye's been trying to sedate her, but if she keeps this up we may have to use more force,” Cap replied quietly. This wasn't the first time, and it was never fun to have to fight against confused kids who didn't know why they were hurting people or how to stop.

“Got any useful suggestions?” Ironman asked.

“Don't get within a few feet of her,” Hawkeye offered wryly, letting off another arrow with the same results as the others to demonstrate.

Bruce frowned slightly, “I can't decide if Hulk would be good for this one- he should be able to get close, but if she's already frightened then he won't help her calm down.”

Black Widow leaped out of the way as the fire hydrant next to her burst into pieces, causing a geyser of water to shoot into the air. “She's not giving us much choice here,” she said bitterly, she'd only just managed to dodge one of the chunks of fire hydrant.

“I agree,” Cap said finally, “Bruce- suit up.”

Bruce sighed again before letting the change start- muscles bulging and bubbling, skin turning green, Hulk growling low and narrowing his eyes at the young woman who was causing destruction. Hulk generally didn't have a problem with other people smashing, but she had almost hurt the rest of the team. He roared and rushed towards her, a streetlight swung forward and hit him square in the nose when he got too close and he bellowed in anger, but didn't back up. He was close enough that with a swipe of his arm he was able to grab her and swoop her up- holding her above the rooves of the building, just outside the range of whatever her powers were.

That suddenly got her attention, as she suddenly started screaming and pounding the giant green fingers. Hulk whinced at the sound, growling low in his chest but managing to keep his grip gentle. There would likely be bruises, but probably nothing broken.

Captain America ran over, calling to her from the ground, “Miss- please calm down! We don't want to hurt you.”

_I appreciate that, Captain, but I don't believe you will be able to help right now, it would be best to leave it to me._

The Avengers froze upon 'hearing' the gentle voice in their heads, apart from Hulk who looked around in confusion and Black Widow who turned to look at Hawkeye. After they heard it, they realized that the screaming had stopped and noticed that the woman had appeared to be unconscious. Seconds later, they heard the sound of engines as a jet lowered into the street, a ramp coming down as it did. Three people stepped out, actually one of them wheeled out- a black woman with impossibly white hair wearing a skintight outfit and cape, a stocky man in a ridiculously orange and black striped outfit, and an older man in a wheelchair who looked like a university professor. The contrast would have been laughable, if one of them hadn't been able to put thoughts into their heads.

Steve took a deep breath and walked up to meet the new comers, flashing them a winning Captain America smile, “Hello, I'm Captain America- who might you be?”

“I am Professor Xavier,” the man in the wheelchair said, and they recognized it as the voice that had been in their heads, he smiled apologetically at all of them, “I did not intend to cause any concern to you, I had been informed you were expecting us.”

“You're here because of the... ah, young woman,” Cap said, looking over to where she was and squirming slightly. He imagined that mutants existed when he was growing up, but he hadn't known them and they weren't as visible as they were now, and nowadays half of the information about them was negative, he really didn't know how to talk about them.

“Yes, that's correct, I run a school for mutants where they can find acceptance and guidance to learn to control their powers,” he explained before motioning to the two with them, “Storm and Wolverine work with me there, and often come with me on such 'missions' in case more help is needed.”

“Help?” Black Widow asked, raising an eyebrow. Wolverine smirked slightly and held up a fist, long metal claws shooting out of it. Her other eyebrow raised to join the first.

* * *

As the Natasha and Steve started discussing things with the newcomers, Tony turned his attention to the Hulk who now looked bored. There wasn't a whole lot for him to do from here on out, and there hadn't been much to do today.

Looking over Hulk, Tony's mind started wandering to Bruce. Hulk was basically the pinnacle of stereotypical masculinity- huge muscles, violent, little regard for anything related to intelligence. Maybe that last bit wasn't fair, Hulk seemed to be getting a broader vocabulary since people actually started talking to him, but Hulk still wasn't really one for brain power. Tony still wasn't clear on whether or not Bruce and Hulk were really the same person, how much of Bruce was in the Hulk and vice versa, but it did lead to some curiosities.

“Hey- big guy,” Tony called, getting his attention as he took off the suit's face plate.

Hulk snorted at that and shook his head. “Hulk,” he replied gruffly.

“What?"

The monster actually rolled his eyes and shoved a finger into his own chest. “Hu-l-k,” he repeated, enunciating each letter as carefully and slowly as he could manage. Tony just stared for a moment- he was being condescended to by the Hulk. That was a sobering thought.

“Uh, right, of course, Hulk, sorry, didn't think 'big guy' was a problem,” he said awkwardly, adjusting his height in the air just to have something to do.

“Big Guy _Bruce_ ,” Hulk growled calmly. He had a bad habit of growling out anything he said, and the team had quickly learned to tell the difference between angry growling, neutral growling, and sometimes caught a happy growl.

“You can both be 'big guy'- I've got room in my heart for plenty of big guys,” Tony replied with a grin.

Hulk shook his head, “ _Hulk._ Hulk _not_ puny Bruce.”

“Alright, big g-- _Hulk_ , but are you averse to other nicknames? Jolly Green still okay? And Clint's been calling you Jade Jaws lately,” Tony asked warily, not quite sure where this was going.

“Fine,” Hulk grunted.

That was settled at least, although Tony still watched him for a few moments, thoughts racing. “Why are you here?” he muttered, more thinking out loud than anything, it was a bad habit he'd gotten into from years of working alone in a lab.

“Hulk protect.”

Tony blinked, he hadn't been expecting an answer and he certainly wasn't expecting that. “Protect what?” It was a fair question- structural integrity was not something that Hulk had a habit of leaving in tact.

“Puny Bruce,” he grumbled, “Bruce _weak-_ Hulk protect.”

“Huh,” Tony said, because of course that was obvious. He'd known that as soon as he read the files, he just hadn't really expected this much self-awareness from Hulk. Bruce certainly wouldn't acknowledge it. Tony frowned, “How much about Bruce do you know? How much do you remember from when, uh, Bruce is... out?”

Hulk growled, that was an angry one, and narrowed his eyes at Tony, “Metal man not need know. Metal man not _want_ know.” Tony opened his mouth to disagree but Hulk wrapped a hand around the suit, dragging him closer to the giant green face. “Metal Man not hurt Bruce,” he snarled, releasing Tony. No harm was done, he probably could have gotten out of the grip easily if he'd needed to, and it only took a moment to readjust and stop from falling.

“Alright,” Tony said, holding his hands palm out and moving backwards slightly, “I won't hurt Bruce, don't worry, I've been really nice about not pushing any boundaries lately, if you noticed.”

Hulk grumbled agreement and looked over as the jet's engines started up again. Tony only then realized that Clint had come over to them from where he'd been perched, as they were closer than the jet, and was now raising an eyebrow as he watched the two of them. Tony hadn't realized, but also wasn't overly bothered. There hadn't been anything private shared, and he actually wouldn't mind having another witness to convince Bruce that Hulk had actually said he was there for protection.

Steve and Natasha were walking back to them as the jet took off, Steve looking excited and babbling at her about how he'd known the man with the giant claws in the army. Natasha duly nodded and smiled, if she wasn't interested she certainly wasn't showing it.

“Everything settled?” Tony asked, landing and taking a step to meet them.

“Oh...” Steve said, face falling, “Probably not- it's possible she's the daughter of Magneto...”

Clint raised his eyebrows, “He had a _kid_? Really?”

“Twins,” Natasha supplied, and Clint stared at her as if expecting there to be a punchline.

“Safe?” Hulk growled, leaning down to be closer to their level.

Steve smiled, “Yeah, Hulk, all safe.”

He nodded at that, sitting down before shrinking down. Clint rolled his eyes and slung off his quiver- as the one who had to wear things on his back anyways, he ended up carrying spare pants for Bruce. Spare shorts, actually. They were working on enough room for a shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Scarlet Witch might not be the greatest- most of what I've seen her in is XMen Evolution, which is what her scene here was largely based on, and I'm honestly still unsure what exactly her powers are (after some research, it seems like the writers can't agree, either). Based on her history there, she seems like she'd probably end up having a public break down that ends up breaking the public.


	4. Chapter 4

“Not this again.” 

They were back in Stark Tower, Tony had at least had the decency of waiting for Bruce to nap in the car and then get something to eat before bringing up unpleasant subjects.

“After this, you really still deny that the Hulk isn't protecting you?” Tony asked, crossing his arms.

Bruce growled, “Of course he's protecting me, Tony, if I die- he dies. It's purely selfish.”

“Then why would he care if you got hurt?”

Bruce opened her mouth to answer then closed it again, and just glared at Tony's smug smile. “What do you mean by that?” she asked slowly.

“I mean, that Hulk grabbed me and threatened me not to hurt you,” he replied with a smirk, until he noticed the color draining from Bruce's face and quickly added, “He didn't hurt me- I could've gotten out of the grip easily, it was just a warning. Seems to think that my poking my nose into your life would hurt you...” Tony raised an eyebrow, “Couldn't help but wonder if that was related to, well... that thing you won't talk about.”

“He told you not to hurt me?” Bruce asked quietly.

Tony grinned, “Also said that he was here to protect you- I could point out his technique needed work, but he still has trouble putting together proper sentences, moral issues might be a bit over his head.”

“That's one way of putting it.”

They fell into silence after that, Tony started fiddling with something on the kitchen counter just to have something to do while Bruce drummed fingers on the table thoughtfully.

“You're probably wrong by what he meant about poking your nose around...” Bruce said quietly, licking her lips and hoping that this wouldn't end badly, “I don't think it's about, well, gender. Although that does brush up against a lot of things that _are_ too painful, that I don't want anyone knowing.”

Tony frowned, “Let me guess- 'When did you first know' isn't the nicest story ever?”

“Mm,” Bruce agreed, getting up to put the water kettle on.

“But there has to be some way that you could talk about this without bringing up anything…” he paused, trying to figure out the right word, “unpleasant.”

“Probably,” she conceded, “But I’d just rather not talk about it at all.”

Tony frowned slightly, looking Bruce over as she continued making tea, “Can you be happy like that?” Bruce glanced over with a raised eyebrow and tony continued, “Just answer- if you can look me in the eye and say you’re perfectly happy living life without ever telling anyone, then I’ll shut up and leave it alone.”

“Tony,” Bruce replied testily, “That’s hardly the only thing stopping me from leading a happy life.”

“Oh?”

She turned around to face him, arms crossed and lips pressed together in a thin line, “In case you hadn’t noticed, turning into a giant green monster has put a bit of a damper on my life plans.”

Tony snorted, ignoring Bruce’s glare before continuing, “Tell me what life plans have been ruined. You’re a _superhero_ , you’re friends with some of the most powerful people on Earth who’d kick the asses of anyone who tries to mess with you, and you’ve got access to lab equipment that’s the wet dream of scientists everywhere- what, exactly, is so awful about your life right now?”

“And I’m supposed to risk all of that by revealing a stupid little secret that was happily tucked away before you stuck your nose where it didn’t belong?” Bruce snarled, the crossed arms shifting until she was hugging herself.

“Really?” Tony scoffed, “That was you happily tucking things away? Had me fooled. You skulk around like a scared rabbit, waiting for the first sign of trouble so you can run again.”

There was a lull as Bruce took deep breaths, shaking slightly, “That... that isn't... that isn't the only reason...”

“I never said it was,” Tony pointed out, shaking his head. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, “Look- I'm shit at this 'feelings' stuff, so I'm going to go back to making things that blow up for awhile- but just think about it, okay?”

“Yeah, sure, of course,” Bruce replied simply, relaxing visibly. The kettle started boiling, the ' _click_ ' of it turning itself off calling her attention as she turned back to fixing another cup of tea.

“Come down when you're done with that, yeah? We can get back to doing science,” Tony adds with a grin, already halfway out the door. Bruce just nods to that, although by then Tony had already left the room.

* * *

It's a few hours later when Steve walked into the common living area after training for the gym. He went over to the kitchen to get a glass of water, which was downed in a matter of seconds. Only after this did he realize that the TV was on. He walked over slightly to see who it was, stopping when he saw it was Bruce- they hadn't spoken much, particularly not after finding out that Bruce was uncomfortable around him. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, trying to decide what to do. He wanted to get things straightened out, but he didn't want to risk making things worse either.

Before he could come to a decision, Bruce noticed him. The TV flicked off and Bruce stood up, standing up and hunching in slightly, “Sorry- I didn't realize anyone else would be here.”

“It's fine,” Steve said with a gentle smile, “You don't have to leave, I was just getting a drink after working out at the gym.”

“I've heard the facilities here are pretty good,” Bruce agreed with a nervous smile.

“They are, they're what finally convinced me to take up Tony's offer to move in- SHIELD was probably getting sick of having to replace a dozen punching bags each week, anyways,” Steve replied with a chuckle.

“Oh, I didn't realize you'd moved in...”

“Just this week, although Tony's been bugging me about it for awhile, he took one look at my apartment and started pushing me to move in, I think he wants to turn it into the Avengers Clubhouse,” Steve shook his head, taking another drink of water. When he noticed the frown forming on Bruce's faced, he hastily added, “My apartment wasn't... it was SHIELD issued and they, er, tried to decorate in a way they thought would make me most comfortable...”

“Felt like a movie set?” Bruce asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, “Just made me feel even more out of place.”

They fell into silence after that, and Bruce started fidgeting, glancing at the doors. Steve took a deep breath, “Look, I don't know if you want to talk about this... but Tony told me that you aren't comfortable around me and, well, I'd really like to fix that if it's possible.”

Bruce went rigid, “It's fine, not that big a deal, you really don't have to.”

“It is a big deal, though, we're team mates- we have to work together, and now live together, I don't want to be the reason you're not comfortable about things, if I've done anything then I'd really like to fix it,” Steve said earnestly.

For a moment Bruce just chewed on her lip, trying to decide what, if anything to say. Eventually she sighed and looked down, “Well... it's just... I got bullied a lot as a kid, and have had some problems with the army... and it doesn't help that what happened happened because Ross was trying to recreate the serum... but you're physically a bit like all of my bullies wrapped into one.” It wasn't a lie, it wasn't the full truth, but it wasn't a lie.

“You... you think I'm a bully?” Steve asked quietly, the smile on his face falling slowly. He didn't comment on the serum, although he winced at the thought, there wasn't anything he could say to that.

“No!” Bruce insisted quickly, before shifting awkwardly, “No... you just... remind me of one.”

“Why?”

“Well, I mean, I can't imagine school was that different in your day... the jocks beat up the geeks.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Steve agreed ruefully, “I was one of the geeks they beat up.”

Bruce frowned, “Really?”

Steve raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, I thought that was half the appeal of my story- I was the scrawny, asthmatic kid who desperately wanted to fight for my country and became...” he gestured to himself.

“I guess I should have paid more attention in history class,” Bruce admitted, blushing slightly.

“I take it you didn't read the comics, either?” Steve asked with a smile, “I don't blame you- they were terrible.”

“Heh, no, I was into the Green Lantern...” Bruce admitted.

“I think I've heard of him.”

“I think he came out in the '40s, you might have seen him if you were into comics.”

“I haven't thought about them in ages, not really since the war,” Steve reflected with a sad smile, “Things have changed so much now, even comics seem different.”

“Yeah,” Bruce mumbled, sitting back down and taking a sip of tea. “I think my dad had some of your comics, actually...”

“Oh?” Steve asked uncertainly, walking over and taking a seat on the other side of the coffee table, watching Bruce for any signs that this was too close.

Bruce didn't seem to notice Steve had moved and just nodded, frowning, “He was trying to find out the effects of certain genetic mutations... Information about the Super Soldier Serum hadn't been released, probably still isn't, I guess the comics were as close as he could get. Also had a lot of books about what happened to the victims of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and on things like Chernobyll...”

“Trying to make sense of what happened to you?” Steve asked gently.

“Make sense- more like justify--” she stopped, realizing what Steve meant and shrunk down, “No, this was long before the gamma bomb. Don't worry about it.” She sighed slightly, “I never bothered finding out what the hell happened that he was so obsessed with all that, I don't think I want to know.”

Steve raised an eyebrow but just nodded, leaning back in the chair and taking a long sip of water. If alcohol still effected him, he imagined this was the sort of situation where he'd like a glass.

“I'm kind of surprised the army hasn't tried to bring me in so they could recreate the serum.”

“What will you do when they do?” Bruce asked gently, looking straight at her cup and avoiding his eyes.

“I don't know... I think Dr. Erskine was the only one qualified to decide who to administer it to, he was the only one who truly understood the risks,” he ran a hand through his hair, “But people have suffered trying to recreate it- and that won't stop.”

“Can I give you some advice?”

Steve raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, of course.”

Bruce licked her lips, “With Hulk... I've had some problems. Just, if you ever decide to let people test you- even if they aren't with the government, be really careful. You never know who's going to get it into their head that they can recreate it and do it better.”

Steve paused for a moment before nodding and smiling, “Thank you, I'll keep that in mind.”

Bruce nodded back before finishing the tea and standing up, “I'm going to head to my room.”

“I'll see you around.”

“Yeah,” she agreed quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for how long this took, computer problems and midterms kicked my butt. I don't know if the rest will come up any quicker. The reference to Bruce's dad isn't based on canon, but I figure that if the guy's convinced that an explosion while working on nuclear energy altered his genetic structure, he'd be interested in things like Red Skull and nuclear disasters.


	5. Comic Bonding Time

Tony couldn't really bring himself to be surprised when he didn't see Bruce for the rest of the day. He'd pushed too far, a bad habit of his, and he was just happy that JARVIS hadn't told him that Bruce had rabbited. When Bruce didn't show up the next day, though, then Tony started getting annoyed. And a bit worried, but he'd only really admit to annoyance.

“JARVIS,” he called at about one in the afternoon, when his patience had finally given up, “Where is Doctor Banner?”

“ _Doctor Banner is in the Avenger's living room, sir._ ”

Tony frowned at that, “Doing what?”

“ _Doctor Banner and Captain Rogers have been watching movies for the past several hours._ ”

On the list of things Tony had been expecting to hear, that was far down. Even farther down than 'Doctor Banner is reading about creationism and starting to think they may have the right idea after all'. Tony furrowed his eyebrows as he turned off the machines he'd been working on.

\---

JARVIS had, in fact, been telling the truth, not that Tony had really expected otherwise. When he got into the room, they were in the middle of _Superman Returns_. It wasn't really a surprise that Steve would be into Mr. Truth, Justice, and the American Way- but that still didn't understand what Bruce was there instead of in Candyland.

Tony had a witty, sarcastic remark ready to simultaneously announce his presence and express his confusion, but instead his mouth decided to turn on him and what came out instead was, “What the hell is going on?”

Both of them turned to Tony with expressions of confusion, Steve's mixed with concern and Bruce's with amusement, the movie had been paused and it was then that Tony noticed Bruce was actually using a remote.

“We were watching a Superman movie...” Steve said awkwardly, motioning to the screen where the man of steel was clearly visible.

“They made a Green Lantern movie, Tony,” Bruce insisted, relaxing slightly, “I had to watch it, and Steve has to be caught up with the last 70 years of comic book progress.”

Tony raised an eyebrow, “Sorry, guess I was spending too much time getting laid in highschool to think comic books were cool.”

“Then I can stop feeling slightly guilty about not asking you if you wanted to join us,” Bruce said with a soft chuckle.

“That still doesn't explain why you're watching them with the guy who, last time I checked, you refused to be in the same room as,” he pointed out with a glare that was directed firmly at Bruce.

Steve stood up and moved to object, but Bruce held up a hand to silence him. “Steve, we can finish later, alright?”

“Yeah...” he agreed warily, glancing at Tony for a moment before starting to leave the room, “That's fine, I'll see you two later.” Tony nodded an acknowledgement and Bruce waved, once he had left the room she sighed slightly and stood up.

“Alright, what's actually bothering you?”

“What?”

Bruce frowned, “You're not telling me that you're really this upset that I watched some crappy movies with Steve.”

“Last time I checked you wouldn't even be in the same room as Steve, now suddenly you're all buddy-buddy!” Tony pointed out, “When did that happen?”

“Yesterday... He came into the kitchen while I was there and I didn't feel right just running away so we talked a little,” Bruce said with a shrug, “It came up that I like Green Lantern and then earlier today he said that there was a Green Lantern movie and asked if I wanted to watch it.”

“So with just one day of being on speaking terms with him, you tell him more about yourself than you've told me in months- and you don't get why that bugs me?” Tony demanded, crossing his arms.

“It's a _comic book series_ , Tony, I haven't told him my deepest darkest series- and if you don't care about comic books, why the hell do you care that I never told you which one I liked?” Bruce snapped back before taking a step back and running a hand through her hair, trying to remember that as unreasonable as Tony was to be upset, getting angry at him for it would be even worse. “Why do you care so much about this?”

“I don't!” Tony huffed, Bruce just gave him a look and he looked away, “It just sucks that I've done everything I can to make you comfortable around me and after one day you're suddenly all comfy with some guy you hated.”

“I didn't hate him, Tony...” she said softly, trying not to point out that Tony's version of putting people at ease left much to be desired. If she'd learned one thing, it was that that _was_ Tony's best, and she appreciated it for what it was, “I just... being around him brought up a lot of things, and yesterday I realized exactly _what_ was bothering me so much about him and it's something I've been trying to get over so, yeah, I'm going to try a little harder to be comfortable around him just so I don't have to think I'm still that fucked up."

“You said it was because you got bullied a lot and, well...” Tony gestured vaguely towards Bruce.

Bruce nodded, flushing slightly and wishing she had her glasses on so she had something to do with her hands, but being far-sighted meant they didn't mesh well with movie viewing. “I thought that was it, but, well, there's something else and even if that _was_ the only reason it's not really fair to him to avoid him over it...”

“Yeah, I suppose it's not,” Tony agreed, posture softening to a more comfortable position. “I've been told a team works better when everyone on it can get along.”

“Yes... I suppose so, although getting along with me and getting along with Hulk are two different things, so it's not really important to get along with me.”

“There you go with the self-deprecation thing, again,” Tony pointed out with a grin, “I'm starting to think you're just fishing for compliments.”

“Well, you can't blame a girl for trying,” Bruce replied with a laugh. Tony's grin faltered at that for a moment, wanting to push for more information but knowing that it would end poorly. He stuck the grin back in place quickly, but not quickly enough to keep Bruce from noticing it, the laugh stopping abruptly as she started chewing on her lip.

“She, then?” Tony asked, keeping the grin firmly in place.

“It really doesn't matter, Tony...”

“Why not?”

“Because,” Bruce said, taking a deep breath, “Because I don't want anyone else to know, I especially don't want SHIELD to know and the paparazzi kind of hang on your every word and if they started getting ideas...” Bruce put a hand on her face, muttering, “Oh, God, if Betty found out...” 

“She didn't know?” Tony asked quietly, expression mostly blank as he wasn't sure what would be appropriate, or least likely to bring the Hulk out. He didn't mind, generally, but given Bruce's state half the tower would probably be destroyed before Tony could get either of them to calm down. Somewhat luckily the question did have the desired effect of stopping the slightly manic look that Bruce had developed, although shrinking into herself wasn't much more desirable.

“No... I couldn't...” Bruce mumbled, “It's just not something I can tell people... It doesn't get the best results, I couldn't risk losing her over that.”

Tony nodded at that, frowning for a few minutes before rather awkwardly stepping forward and putting an arm around Bruce's shoulders. Bruce immediately tensed up at the contact, quickly switching to calming breaths as she willed herself to relax into it. It wasn't an unwelcome touch, and she didn't want Tony to think it was, she was just fairly unused to physical contact.

“You really don't mind, do you?” she asked quietly.

"What's there to mind?" Tony asked, removing his arm from Bruce's shoulders to wave the question away. Bruce gave him a pointed look at that and Tony sighed, "Look, Big G- uh, look, I'm not exactly a saint here. You aren't kicking puppies, and you're trying to make sure Hulk doesn't do the same. The only thing I really care about is whether or not people are trying to kill the people I care about, or trying to weaponize my technology.”

"Well, I might be a little," Bruce admitted with a sheepish smile. Tony gave her an incredulous look, waiting for the punchline, and she shook her head. "Tony, you built things for the Hulkbusters- I know it was a while ago, but I'm going to gather any intel I need to keep myself safe."

Tony winced at that, "I, uh, didn't think you knew..."

Bruce sighed in exhasperation, "Tony, everything your company makes has your name plastered on it in giant neon lights- even Hulk was able to figure out it was yours."

“I'm surprised you trusted me so much,” Tony said quietly, avoiding looking Bruce in the eye.

“Well, I just...” Bruce smiled slightly, “It was nice feeling like someone believed in me, I didn't want to lose that.” She chuckled, “Besides, from what I heard you and the army weren't really on speaking terms.”

“Yeah.... they didn't take too kindly to finding out that I wasn't giving them weapons anymore,” Tony agreed with an uncertain laugh.

“Funny how that works,” Bruce mused.

Tony fidgeted slightly and Bruce frowned to see that. “Hey- I've got a question, and you can say 'no', but can I tell Pepper?” Tony asked, running a hand through his hair.

“Um.” It wasn't the most eloquent response that Bruce had ever given, but the question was something of a shock and she couldn't think of anything better to say.

“I know you don't want anyone knowing but, well, I'm sure Pepper will be fine and she can tell when she's hiding things from her, and, well...”

"So when you said I could say no...?"

"You can, and I won't tell her, might turn out fine but if she gets suspicious then it won't be fun for me," Tony explained with a shrug, "Your call."

Bruce nodded, shifting her weight from one leg to the other for a few moments before sighing, "Alright, it's fine."

"You sure?” Tony asked seriously, studying Bruce's face closely.

“Sure,” Bruce shrugged, “Just let me know when you've told her.”

“Would you prefer being the one to tell her...?”

“No, no,” Bruce smiled sadly, “You know her better, you'll probably do a better job than me. Even people who are fine about it don't always react well when they first find out, I'd rather not see that...”

“Personal experience?”

“Mm.”

“Alright, well, I'll keep you posted, then...” Tony said, running a hand through his hair, “So... do you feel like getting back to science now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for how long this took! I've had a really difficult time writing lately, even school assignments have been a struggle. I have where Iw ant the story to go planned out, I'm just having a lot of trouble putting the words down. :( I'm so sorry, and thank you to anyone who's stuck with the story!


	6. Dr. Banner has a PhD in Avoidance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, wow, I can not believe how long it's been since I updated this. The last time I updated this, I was still in my first trimester of pregnancy. I now have a 2 month old. Wow.
> 
> Apparently pregnancy kills my ability to write...
> 
> The chapter's a little shorter this time. I was torn between updating it now, or trying to make it an extra long chapter. I decided to update now because I didn't know for sure when I'd be able to again.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's stuck with me, I'm sorry that I can't guarantee more regular updates.

Bruce had always loved working in a lab. It had started with doing experiments in her cousin, Jennifer's, basement. Jennifer had never shared Bruce's passion, but played along anyways and they generally had fun. The first time they got in trouble for it, Bruce was showing how different chemicals made fire different colors using Aunt Elaine's scented candles. They got in trouble for playing with fire and using the candles without permission, but Uncle Morris still asked Bruce to show him how to do it later.

Working in Stark Tower's R&D department really was, as Tony had promised, like being a kid in Candyland. But now it had taken on a strange feeling of comfort. Nothing had changed between them, Tony made the same jokes and had the same lack of respect for personal space. It was nice to have someone know- about Hulk, about her being trans, and probably a lot more depending on what was in her file- who genuinely treated her the same. No walking on eggshells, no veiled remarks, just Tony being Tony. One person wasn't enough to make her optimistic about expecting the same from anyone else, but it was still nice.

The train of thought had ran away with her a bit, and after a few moments Tony frowned at her, “What's with that look?” he turned his attention to the screen in front of him, squinting at it, “I'm not missing something, am I--” he started moving things, enlarging some and shoving others to the side.

“No, sorry, I just spaced out a little,” she admitted with a nervous laugh, focusing her attention, “Although, uh, you _are_ aware that right now you have the thrusters heating up beyond the alloy's melting point, right?”

Tony raised an eyebrow and looked at the screen for a moment before messing with the schematics, “Well, I can't possibly see how _that_ could go wrong...”

“Seems perfectly safe,” Bruce agreed with a snort, shaking her head.

Working to fix that, they fell back into the comfortable rhythm they'd established. After about half an hour of this, JARVIS cut off the music to announce that, “ _Sir, Agent Barton requests permission to come in._ ”

Tony glanced towards the glass door, where Clint was standing, “Let him in, J.” The door opened and Tony smirked at him, “What brings you here?”

“I was looking for Dr. Jekyll, actually...” Clint said, looking around the lab with a frown, deciding against picking anything up and playing with it. With Tony, it was hard to tell what would and wouldn't blow up. “Have you seen him?”

“What?” he looked around the room, suddenly noticing the complete absence of his lab partner, “Huh.”

Clint raised an eyebrow.

Tony shrugged, quickly covering the momentary confusion, “I'll keep an eye out. Any message you want me to pass on?”

“No,” Clint almost snapped before forcibly relaxing and flashing Tony a smirk, “I'll track him down someday.”

Clint sauntered off, letting the door slam shut behind him. Tony frowned shaking his head, turning around and jerking slightly when he realized that Bruce had reappeared.

“Barton was looking for you,” he said blankly, brows furrowed.

“Is he?” Bruce replied airily, “I thought he'd have given up by now.”

Tony shook his head, “I tried avoiding those two once, I got about half an hour before they got bored of letting me think I was succeeding.”

“I have more practice,” Bruce said softly before smiling, “Besides, I don't think he's gotten Natasha in on it- so how serious can they be?”

“Good point,” Tony replied with a chuckle, “If you can avoid her- _then_ I'll be impressed.”

“If she can track me down in a Calcutta slum, what chance do I have in the Tower?” Bruce agreed.

\----

They fell back to work for some time, the situation seemingly forgotten, when Tony leaned against the table. “Ever going to tell me why?”

“Pardon?"

Tony raised an eyebrow, “Why you're avoiding Legolas- can't just be for sport.”

“I avoid a lot of people,” Bruce said with a shrug before turning away from Tony.

Tony grimaced at that, but couldn't debate it. He just shook his head and went back to work, taking out his frustrations on the tangle of metal and wires. It was a bad habit that usually ended in an explosion, but Tony had more than enough money to pay to cover the repairs.

He didn't have the chance to do enough damage to actually blow anything up, though. A wire that was holding one of the metal panels slipped and the panel flew up, slicing into his arm. He drew it back, swearing and shouting at JARVIS to tell him where the nearest rag was. Before he could even get into the usual argument about whether or not it mattered if the rag was clean or covered in motor oil and chemicals, Bruce grabbed the arm and held it still, looking at the cut.

“You're going to need stitches,” Bruce said, gently guiding Tony towards the counter with the medical supplies and sink.

“I'll be fine,” Tony insisted, attempting to wrench his arm from Bruce's grip, only to realize that as gentle as the grip was, it was too firm for him to budge it. “I can just wrap it up for now, stitch it up myself later--”

“You're not stitching yourself up,” Bruce said flatly, “And you aren't leaving it, either.”

“I have at least half an hour before the shock wears off- I can get work done in the meantime!” he objected, although he had stopped attempting to physically resist.

Bruce didn't bother responding, and Tony just continued complaining more to have something to say. He got settled onto the doctor's chair that was set up for exactly this situation while Bruce snapped on a set of gloves and started setting up.

“So, why _don't_ you have an actual medical degree?” Tony asked as she tested if the anesthetic had taken effect.

“I didn't want to be a doctor initially- I learned on the go- and I just haven't felt the need to since getting back to civilization,” she said simply, threading the needle. Tony hissed as it went in, watching despite any better judgement, “I have no interest in going through medical school.”

“Fair enough,” Tony agreed, “I don't really want to lose you for the years it takes to get a medical degree anyways.”

“I'm also not sure how well needing to keep my heart rate down would mesh with the stress of it all...” she smirked, “Although it would be a good way to make sure I pass all my classes- give me an A or you'll have to explain to the Hulk why you didn't.”

“I had to do something like that once- only it was my lawyers rather than the Hulk,” Tony said, shaking his head. Bruce raised an eyebrow at that. “Not that I was actually failing the class- the teacher just hated me, can't imagine why.”

“Tony Stark getting on someone's bad side? _Never!_ ” she chuckled, tying off the last stitch and cutting the string. “Alright, just let me bandage this up and you're set.”

“You could just leave it as it--” Tony was cut off by a scathing look from Bruce, “Or not.” He went silent while Bruce opened the package of a sterile square of gauze, focusing his attention on stretching out his arm to figure out how the wound would limit him until it finished healing.

“What you asked before... about Clint,” Bruce said quietly, fixedly staring at the gauze as she spread antibiotic cream onto it. Tony glanced over but didn't say anything. “I just... he and Natasha look at me like a monster. I know they're right,” she held up a hand, cutting off Tony's retort before it could come, “I don't blame either of them, especially after what happened on the Helicarrier. I still don't like being around it.” She placed the gauze, still refusing to look at Tony's face, and began securing it with tape. “If it was anything really important, one of them would actually have found me or he would have relayed the message through someone else.”

Tony raised an eyebrow, “Do you have any idea why he wants to talk to you?”

“No."

“If he's as afraid of you as you seem to think- why would be be searching you out? Seems like either it's something important or you're wrong about how he sees you.”

Bruce paused, frowned, and shook her head, “I don't know...”

Tony shrugged, hopping off the chair. “Just think about it,” he said, eagerly taking the offered pain medicine and water. It was just aspirin, but he was going to need it when the anesthetic wore off.


	7. Pepperony's Night In

“You know, Tony, a girl really shouldn't have to work this hard just to have dinner with her boyfriend."

It was playfully said, but he knew she meant it. They had this conversation on most of their dates. He was working on it.

They had finally arranged their schedules for a proper date, deciding to stay in for a nice dinner (catered by the 5-star chefs employed by Tony, of course) rather than going out and dealing with the paparazzi. They were sitting on opposite sides of a small, round table in their suite, looking out over the New York skyline.

Pepper brushed her hair behind her ear and smiled at him. He held his hands up and smiled back, “I know, I know- I am working on it. It's only been _weeks_ since last time, rather than the usual months.”

Pepper laughed slightly, “That is true, I do appreciate you dragging yourself away from your lab.” She swirled the wine glass in her hand. “You know, I used to think I only had to worry about you and other women,” she added teasingly.

“What?”

She quirked an eyebrow then chuckled, “Come on, Tony, you know I'm teasing- but don't think I haven't noticed how much more time you've been spending in the lab with Bruce.”

“Oh, right,” he said, running a hand through his hair, “About that...”

Pepper's gaze sharpened immediately, “About _what_?”

“Bruce.”

She pursed her lips, sitting up straight and crossing her arms, “Tony. What exactly are you not telling me?”

“What? Oh! Not that, no, come on,” he grinned at her, “Even I'm not that stupid.” He took her hand, “C'mon, Pep, I can't live without you. I'm not going to risk losing you again.”

Pepper's shoulders relaxed and she gave his hand a squeeze, then raised an eyebrow, “So- _what_ about Bruce?”

“The, well, “other women” comment... er, that is. I have no idea how to say this. I don't even know what Bruce actually considers hims-- ah...” Tony rubbed his face with his hands, “Bruce is trans.”

“...What?”

“I don't even know- Bruce will barely tell me anything, I found out by accident!”

“How... You know what, don't tell me,” she grumbled, covering her eyes with her hand and taking a deep breath, “Okay, thank you for telling me, this gives me a chance to prepare for the press...”

“What press?” Tony asked, his train of thought screeching to a halt.

“You _know_ how they are about these things, Tony, you can't expect no one to notice--”

“Pep,” he grabbed her hands again, “ _no one_ can know- especially not the press. Bruce'll run.”

“So this is just staying a secret, Bruce isn't planning any... treatments?” she asked uncertainly, “Is that.. will he--” she frowned slightly then continued, “is that going to be okay?”

Tony shrugged. “I don't think things would be okay if Bruce _did_ get treatments, you know how the press would be.”

“No... you're right,” Pepper said, frowning, “Will Bruce at least see a therapist?”

“I doubt it,” he replied with a sigh, “A non-disclosure agreement can't guarantee the information _won't_ be leaked, it only means we can go whoever leaks it...”

“That's the same excuse you gave for not seeing one,” she pointed out, crossing her arms.

“It still applies!”

Pepper smiled sadly, “We need a superhero therapist... Someone legitimately trustworthy.”

“There's a mutant who can read minds, right?” Tony pointed out with a small laugh, “Maybe he'll be up to the job.”

“I'll have JARVIS call him up tomorrow,” Pepper teased. She sat back and sighed, “Still, though, I was worried about Bruce even before- but this...” she shook her head.

“I know,” he said softly, looking away, “I don't know what to do, though, she barely lets anyone in.” He frowned at his plate, “I don't actually know how the rest of the team will be with it, either.”

“No, that's true,” she agreed quietly, shaking her head. She paused, then fixed him with a steely look, “Tony- is it okay that I know this?”

Tony rolled his eyes, “You never give me any credit! I checked with Bruce before telling you.”

Pepper smiled at that, “Good, I just had to make sure. I suppose I shouldn't act like anything's changed.”

“No... probably not,” Tony agreed uncertainly, shaking his head. He smiled sheepishly, “Which means we should probably get back to our date.”

“That would be nice, yes,” Pepper agreed, leaning forward to kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a lot of problems getting what I want to happen next out, so I decided to just upload a fairly short chapter now rather than feeling guilty about how long it's taking to get a full sized one out. Sorry about the short length. Hopefully the next chapter will start cooperating soon!


	8. A Small Town in Ohio (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I looked over this and realized that I completely forgot to add the beginning of this chapter. There was a chunk missing. So I'm resubmitting it like this so people can get the start of the chapter as well. I'm so sorry about this mess up. I was wondering why it seemed so short...

“So anyways, I told Pep,” Tony began, as if the topic were a natural segue from how to upgrade the suit to handle outer space missions- seeing as the need had arisen. Bruce frowned at him, but didn't mention it. It was something you got used to around Tony. “She's cool with it,” he said with a grin, “Like I knew she'd be.”

“Oh... kay?” Bruce said uncertainly, “What does that mean?”

Tony actually paused to realign his train of thought at that response. “Well, no one's gathering torches and pitchforks like you seem to expect,” he pointed out with a frown, “She's cool with it- she's going to just act the same as she ever did, because I figure that's what you want.”

“It is,” Bruce agreed quietly, not quite meeting Tony's eyes as she said it.

“Right,” Tony said, shaking his head and biting his tongue to avoid adding a 'keep telling yourself that'. He hoped it was implied. Heavily. “I thought the news might make you at least a _little_ happy... you've seemed kind of out of it today.”

“What?” she asked, blinking before shaking her head and shrinking into herself, “Oh... yeah... sorry.” She shook her head and continued before Tony could point out, _again,_ that the apology was unnecessary. “I just... I have to go somewhere.”

Tony snapped the piece of wire which he'd been fiddling with just to have something to do during the conversation, but didn't seem to notice.

“I'm not running,” she said quietly, “I'll be back- I just have to go.”

“Hey, yeah, no problem,” Tony said with a chuckle that was far more nervous than he'd meant for it to be, “Where to? I can drive- or fly, you know, whichever's faster. I don't even mean the suit- I've got priv--”

“ _Alone_ , Tony,” Bruce said harshly, before sighing, “I have to do this alone, okay?”

Tony shrugged, “Hey, whatever, do what you gotta do.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Bruce walked out of the room, mumbling something that was halfway between an apology and a 'good bye'.

After the door slid shut, Tony grumbled to himself while taking his annoyance out on the parts he'd been working on.

“Sir?” JARVIS offered gently.

“What is it now?” Tony snapped.

“I believe I may have an explanation for Dr. Banner's behavior today,” the AI replied hesitantly, “Although I suspect Dr. Banner would not appreciate me sharing it.”

Tony rolled his eyes at that, “Hit me.”

Information flashed up on the nearest screen. Tony looked over at it, sarcastic comment at the ready. The comment died on his lips after he read what JARVIS had pulled up.

* * *

 

While Tony may have been fine taking Bruce's word that she wasn't going to run, SHIELD was not nearly so trusting. It probably had something to do with the fact that Bruce had not told them about the situation, and instead they found out when their computers came up with the red flag that Bruce's current alias had purchased train tickets. As soon as that came up, Fury had given out the order that Bruce was to be followed- both for her own protection and theirs.

Of course, the best agents for the job just happened to be Hawkeye and the Black Widow.

As a result, the two found themselves in a small town in Ohio several days later.

Trying to track Bruce was never fun, as Natasha had learned in Calcutta, the scientist had developed far too many techniques to shake being tracked thanks to what the army kept sending after her. Trying to simultaneously keep track of Bruce and keep from being discovered on a train was trickier than Natasha had hoped, but the ride was uneventful.

"This is wrong," Clint muttered for the hundredth time that trip. Natasha rolled her eyes. "The guy isn't some criminal, we shouldn't be following him."

"We aren't just worried about him running," she pointed out, "He has enemies, and he's completely exposed here. We're here to help him."

Clint made a non-committal grunt.

"Now who's that?" Natasha murmured, pulling down the sunglasses she wore and quirking an eyebrow. A brown-haired woman about Bruce's age, likely a few years younger, dressed in a business suit had gone to meet Bruce. Clint tried not to look interested, though he was watching intently from the corner of his eye.

After exchanging pleasantries, the woman threw her arms around Bruce. Both Natasha and Clint's hands immediately went to their weapons, preparing for the worst. Even Tony wasn't wreckless enough to properly hug Bruce, especially not unexpectedly.

And then, Bruce laughed and returned the hug.

The two SHIELD agents stared at the scene, briefly exchanging a bewildered glance.

"A girlfriend? That's unexpected," Natasha said quietly, quickly turning around and trying to disappear into the crowd before Bruce noticed them. Clint didn't follow immediately, he continued staring wordlessly until Natasha physically dragged him away.

A moment later, Bruce and the woman- Jenny, Bruce had shouted her name in greeting when they first saw her- left the train station and began down the street. The two were talking animatedly, or as animatedly as Bruce got- he was still shrunken into himself and glancing around nervously.

They went down a few streets, the two turned a corner, and Natasha and Clint looked down it only to realize they'd lost the other two. Natasha swore in Russian.

It was a residential street, they could have gone into several of the houses. Clint and Natasha could figure out which one- they were the best, they'd handled worse. Most of their methods were developed with hardened criminals in mind, though, dealing with civilians when they weren't on an official mission kept them considerably more limited.

"We should stay in the area and keep an eye out for anything suspicious," Natasha said, running a hand through her hair, "But finding his exact location is hardly worth it."

"Looking for someone?"

Natasha turned around, the 'sweet lost girl' act firmly in place, "Yes, actua--" she stopped in her tracks, Jenny stood half a block behind them. Bruce stood a few feet away from her, leaning against the fence and glaring at the ground.

Natasha pressed her lips together, even with her guard down she was not accustomed to being snuck up on.

"I think it's about time for you two to leave," Jenny said firmly, arms crossed over her chest.

Natasha raised an eyebrow then smirked, "What, exactly, do you plan to do about that?"

The woman grinned, "I was hoping you wou--"

" _Jenny,_ " Bruce said harshly, pushing off of the fence and walking over to her. His face softened, "Don't- they're army, you know how they can be."

Clint flinched at the way Bruce said 'army'. "We're _Avengers,_ " he pointed out softly.

"So Steve and Tony sent you after me?" Bruce asked coldly. Clint looked away.

Natasha pursed her lips, "We were sent for your _protection,_ we're here in case any of your enemies act."

"Fine," he snapped, although Bruce relaxed almost imperceptibly at that, "But you can stop doing it behind my back."

* * *

 

The next half hour was rather uncomfortable. Bruce was angrier than the Avengers had ever seen him without an appearance from the Hulk. As a result of this, Natasha was tensed up, a hand resting on the pistol in her purse. Clint kept a stony expression. Jenny, for her credit, spent the entire time attempting to make small talk and be a good host.

They had to walk back to the train station, where Jenny had parked, then drove to a cafe. When they got there, Bruce took a deep breath and managed to ask them to  _stay there_ and let him leave without sounding like "or else Hulk will smash you" lingered beneath the words.

"I don't suppose they'll _actually_ leave you alone now, Jennifer muttered more to herself as she turned the car on. She placed a hand on Bruce's shoulder and smiled at him. "Hey, don't sweat it- your... friends... seem... nice." She laughed nervously.

Bruce laughed bitterly, rubbing his face with his hands, "God, I don't want to know how this day is going to get worse."

* * *

 

"We still have our orders," Natasha said stiffly, standing up as soon as the car was out of sight.

"Nat, no..." Clint muttered, staying seated, "The guy deserves some privacy."

"We have orders, Clint," Natasha reminded him. Her expression softened and she placed a hand on his shoulder, "I know this isn't what you want, but for all we know- Ross has people doing the same thing. You know what they'd do to him."

Clint stood up quickly, downing the coffee in his cup as they headed out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes:
> 
> 1\. Okay, pronoun-wise I had a lot of trouble figuring out what to do. When it's more from the perspective of people who don't know, female didn't really feel best, but I don't like siwtching. If switching is really obnoxious/insulting, I'll fix the pronouns.
> 
> 2\. I have read very little with Jennifer Walters in it. I'm sorry if she's just completely out of character.


	9. A Small Town in Ohio (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally left off the beginning of the last chapter, so please check that out if you missed it. Sorry about the inconvenience- I've fixed it now.

Bruce had not been able to return to her hometown since the gamma blast. It was strange to be back after so many years. Too many things had changed, too many things hadn't. She spent the car ride with Jennifer, watching out the window and letting the memories wash over her. She half-listened as Jennifer caught her up on what their family had been up to.

About 10 minutes into the drive, Jennifer got very quiet.

"We thought you were dead, you know."

"What?" Bruce asked, sitting up straight and frowning at her.

"That's what they said- that you'd died in that blast. It wasn't until Betty came looking for you that we found out otherwise."

"I didn't know..."

Jenny tried to laugh it off, but it sounded hollow and strained. "I know, we get it, Betty filled us in about the army and everything, we understand..." She gripped the steering wheel tightly, "It just would have been nice to get a postcard or something letting us know you weren't dead in a ditch somewhere." She shrugged, "Well, then you saved me a few years back and... I guess I can't be _too_ mad at you after that."

Bruce bit her lip and looked away. "I just thought it was better for everyone if they forgot about me."

Jenny reached over and slapped her cousin upside the head, "We're family, you dork, we're not going to forget you that easily!" She glared at the road and Bruce noticed that she had tears in her eyes. She turned the car sharply, "We're here, anyways."

Bruce rubbed the back of her head uncertainly. It had been a long time since anyone had done something like that without fear. Even Tony's teasing had a limit. She smiled slightly, leaning over to wrap an arm around her cousin, who was refusing to meet her gaze.

Jennifer wiped her eyes before looking at Bruce, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"I'd prefer you didn't.”

Jennifer nodded, hitting the button to unlock the car doors so Bruce could get out.

* * *

 

Bruce stood outside the car for a moment, looking at the gates of the cemetery, her stomach churning unpleasantly. For most of her life, she had visited her mother's grave every year, on her mother's birthday. It had been years since she'd been able to. Most years, she was completely unaware of time, not realizing she'd missed it until weeks or months afterwards. Time blurred on the run, she even lost track of her own age until SHIELD dragged her back. Losing track of time made it easier to ignore the guilt.

Standing there, suddenly feeling like the small child who had first stood there decades ago, the guilt came back with a vengeance.

Bruce took a deep breath and started walking forwards, her feet remembered the way to the grave.

It had been tended, at least. A bouquet of flowers sat there- Bruce's stomach twisted again, she'd forgotten to bring anything. She ran a hand over the gravestone, jerking it away when she noticed a dark stain.

"It was difficult to get your father buried somewhere else."

Bruce spun around at the soft voice, horrified that someone had managed to sneak up on her. Her Uncle Morris stood there, looking over her with a stony expression. Bruce nodded uncertainly. "Thanks."

"Least I could do," he replied gruffly, shaking his head. His gaze softened, becoming apologetic. He opened his mouth to say something then closed it, shaking his head. The man offered a sad smile, "I always expected you to disappear, you know. I just never thought it would be for the reason it was."

"What do you mean?" She asked quietly, looking away.

Morris chuckled, clapping a hand on her back, "You never were a subtle child, Bruce," he pointed out. He sighed heavily, "I admit, at first I thought it was wrong... Then I wondered if it was a result of your father, a phase you'd grow out of," he shook his head again, "Then when the rumors from your highschool reached me- well, I've learned better."

Bruce looked over her uncle uncertainly, "I... I didn't think anyone..." she trailed off, not sure how she'd meant to end the statement.

"You don't have to worry about losing your family," he said gently, "We just want you to be happy."

"I don't deserve to be happy..." She looked at the grave, "I let mommy die." Morris frowned at that, but before he could respond she went on, touching the gravestone. "That's the first thing Hulk said to me, you know, when he figured out how to communicate with me. He hated me. I think he still does."

"You can't believe that."

She shrugged, "I can't help it. She wouldn't have died if it weren't for me. All the good I've tried to do has ended up hurting more people."

Morris grabbed her shoulders roughly, turning her to face him, "That wasn't your fault. None of it. The adults around you let it happened." He looked at the gravestone, his grasp becoming gentle. "All she ever wanted was for you to be happy."

Bruce bit her lip and looked away.

* * *

 

It had been a surprise for Jennifer Walters to get a call from Bruce, though not as much of a surprise as it might have been had the tabloids not been going on about the Hulk staying in New York with the Avengers. The timing seemed strange, until her father reminded her that it was Aunt Rebecca's birthday.

She was a bit younger than Bruce, and really didn't have any memories of Aunt Rebecca. But she understood how bad the situation was. She had memories of her dad being very angry with her Uncle Brian, and of Bruce ending up living with their Aunt Susan. As she got older, she found out more of the story.

She was glad to see her cousin, they'd been fairly close as children. Bruce had helped her get over the death of her own mother as a teenager. She probably could have been angry about being taken by someone hoping to lure Bruce out- but her cousin had saved her life, and that had turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to her, so she was hardly going to hold a grudge over that.

After Bruce had finally made it into the cemetery, she clicked on the radio and looked around, she hadn't thought to bring anything to do.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the two people who had been following Bruce. She raised an eyebrow, they didn't appear to have noticed her- they appeared to be having an argument. Jennifer opened the door to her car, causing the two to snap their heads toward her.

"I thought you were leaving Bruce alone," she called over, leaning against the car as she closed the door.

"We were just leaving," Clint replied, glaring at Natasha, who pursed her lips.

"We have orders."

“ _Orders?"_

Natasha kept her face emotionless, "We need to keep an eye on Dr. Banner for his own good."

"No, I think Bruce is a big boy who can take care of himself, actually," Jennifer said, starting to walk over to the two, "And I think you should let him be."

Natasha rolled her eyes, "I'm afraid it doesn't matter what you want."

"Come on, Nat, let's just leave her and her boyfriend alone," Clint mutered, arms crossed.

"Boyfriend?" Jennifer asked with a chuckle, "Oh, no, Bruce is my _cousin.”_ She smirked, "And just like my cousin- you wouldn't like me when I'm angry, either."

Natasha's eyes narrowed at the choice of wording, “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean that you need to give him some damn space,” she replied harshly.

Clint stepped forward, placing a hand on Natasha's shoulder. “We don't want any trouble, alright? We'll go back to the coffee shop.”

“I'm going to tell him you were here.”

“That's fine,” Natasha said stiffly, shooting a glare at Clint.

This was a fairly straightforward mission. Make sure no one tried to kidnap Bruce, and serve as damage control in the event that Hulk made an appearance. They could have tried to get permission from Bruce, but it seemed unlikely that he would have gone along with it, given that he was working so hard to ensure that he was left alone and Natasha had not wanted to deal with . Strictly speaking, they were also supposed to be keeping an eye on the scientist in case he was planning on running. Part of their job with the Avengers was to watch in case Bruce ran. It had been too difficult to find him last time, letting him get a head start would mean more of a headache than SHIELD wanted to deal with.

At first this wasn't a problem, then Clint's allegiance started to shift more with the Avengers than SHIELD while Natasha's stayed where it was. She didn't understand how Clint could come to so easily trust the band of misfits. Perhaps if he had seen Stark the way she had in her time as Natalie Rushman, he would share her hesitance.

Now, Clint was interfering with the mission. From the moment that she told him about the call from Fury, he'd dragged his heels. Natasha had no interest in abandoning their mission like this, but also knew that there was no sense in trying to argue now. If this woman wasn't lying about being his cousin, then Bruce was with family. Hopefully that would mean they were trustworthy.

This didn't stop Natasha from attempting to stare down the other woman in a last-ditch attempt to get her to surrender and let them do their damn job. She probably would have succeeded, except a minute in Clint nudged her and gave her a pleading look.

An hour or so later, Bruce sent them a text with departure information. If he was actually on the train, they never saw him.


	10. Return to the Tower

Natasha and Clint had no way of knowing where Bruce was, if he was running or if he'd just given them the slip out of . If it was the former, she was already picturing the conversation with Fury. It would not go well. She wasn't about to throw her partner under the bus, so they'd be in for whatever punishment they got together.

She was starting to realize that Clint wouldn't actually be as broken up about being kicked out of SHIELD as she would. She could tell his allegiance was shifting and wasn't sure what would happen if SHIELD and the Avengers properly ended up opposing each other. She'd always been able to count on Clint to have her back, she'd always been confident in having his, but this felt like a wedge coming between them. She didn't want to think about it.

Reaching the tower and finding that their security codes didn't work did not help her mood.

“Forgive me, Agent Romanoff, I'm afraid that Master Stark has revoked your and Agent Barton's access to the tower,” JARVIS informed them after the third attempt, when Natasha threatened to rewire the keypad.

Natasha took a deep breath before asking, “Can you tell us why?”

Jarvis paused before answering, “I believe his exact words were “If they're going to act like a couple of goddamn spies, I'm going to treat them like a couple of goddamn spies”.”

Clint and Natasha shared a look. Wherever Bruce was, he'd at least been in contact with Tony. Of course, Tony was also the one most likely to not only let him leave, but help give him a head start. Natasha massaged the bridge of her nose while Clint asked, “Can you at least tell us if Dr. Banner is in the tower? We need to know.”

“I am not at liberty to reveal the location of the towers' residents, I'm afraid.”

Natasha swore under her breath.

“If it helps, Agent Romanoff, Master Stark did permit me to lower the security protocols to aid in your entrance to the tower,” JARVIS offered.

Clint raised an eyebrow, “Wait- he's giving us permission to break into his tower? Really?”

Another pause, then, “I prefer to say that he acknowledges the inevitability of your infiltration and does not wish to waste too many resources on it.” 

Clint couldn't help but laugh at that.

* * *

 

“Breaking in” had been a bit obnoxious, but not overly difficult. They were both fully familiar with the floor plans, Clint knew how to get around the tower by air vent, and all of the usual defenses shut off the second they reached them and turned back on once they were past. There was no real attempt to keep them out, it was blatantly just a petulant jab meant to inconvenience.

(That evening, Pepper found out about it and promptly undid it, then told Tony off for abusing his power for childish pranks. He expected a lecture from Steve at some point if the man ever found out about it.)

When they got in, they split up to go to their own apartments and make sure their things hadn't been messed with as well.

Clint hesitated before opening the door to his room.

“Jarvis?” he asked quietly.

“Yes, sir?” the AI responded just as quietly.

“ _Is_ Bruce in the tower?”

“Master Stark specifically expressed the wish for you not to have that information,” JARVIS replied apologetically.

Clint thought for a moment. 

“Can you at least tell me how to get to his apartment?”

* * *

When Bruce had gotten back to the tower, she hadn't planned on talking about what happened. The trip and reawoken her desire to run, she kept trying to convince herself she actually would this time. Then she found herself at the Tower. The urge didn't subside until she asked Tony if he'd help her leave and got a worried 'yes'. After that, she really couldn't lie about what had brought it on. She glossed over the exact reason she left, although Tony's demeanor suggested he knew, and admitting that Clint and Natasha had tailed her got about the response she expected from Tony.

Part of her was glad in a vindictive sense, even though she knew it was childish and pathetic.

Most of her didn't want trouble and just wanted to forget it had ever happened.

She holed up in her apartment in the tower after that, trying to distract herself, when there was a knock on the door. She frowned. No one ever visited her, Tony would sometimes drag her to the lab- but JARVIS always alerted her because Tony was more likely to break into a locked door than knock on it.

Bruce sighed heavily, shouted “Just a minute” and walked to the door, going down the list of what bad news waited behind it. She opened the door, saw Clint standing there awkwardly, and managed to resist the urge to slam it in his face. She didn't offer any greeting, though, just watched him with a hand gripping the door tightly.

“Um... hi?” Clint said nervously, running a hand through his hair, “I just... wanted to...” he fidgeted, “apologize.”

“Do you?” Bruce asked quietly, managing to keep her face blank.

Clint licked his lips, “Yes. I didn't... it wasn't... SHIELD ordere-” Clint dipped his head, “I'm sorry, I knew it was wrong to follow you and did it anyways.”

Bruce nodded, “Okay.”

For a moment, Clint watched her, before shifting his weight, “I... guess I should go...?”

Bruce watched him for a moment, not sure how to respond to the situation, then just shrugged, “Your call.”

Clint stared, then caught himself and nodded, trying to laugh it off before slinking away. Bruce closed the door behind him with a frown. She wasn't entirely sure how she should have handled that situation, but she was fairly certain that wasn't the right way.


	11. Insomnia

Clint sat at the island counter in the Avengers' communal kitchen, stirring his still-scalding coffee with one hand and rolling a coin on the knuckles of his other hand. He wasn't paying attention to either action, it just gave his hands something to do. Once the coffee got to a temperature where it could be drunk without burning his esophagus, he'd be heading to the shooting range.

He was about to lift the cup to see if it had cooled enough yet when a soft “Um” from his right caused him to jerk, hand flying to the knife he kept on his hip just in case, only to realize that the source of the noise was a particularly nervous Bruce Banner standing several feet away.

“Hi,” Clint said awkwardly, brushing his hand on his pants in a weak attempt to play off the reflex. He couldn't help but think that it was no wonder SHIELD and the army had so many problems keeping tabs on this guy, Natasha was the only person who had been able to sneak up on him before.

“Hi,” Bruce replied, looking quite certain that this was a bad idea and the best plan would be to retreat. Clint tried to make his smile as welcoming as possible, but he ended up biting his lip and the effect was ruined. Bruce fidgeted, “I just... um... you've been trying to talk to me, right? Before...”

“Oh! Oh... yeah,” Clint said, running a hand through his hair, “I guess I got the impression you were avoiding me.”

“I avoid a lot of people,” Bruce replied with a lopsided smile that faded quickly. “What did you want to talk about?”

Clint shifted in his seat, trying not to think about how put on the spot he felt, “Well, we're teammates but I never really got to know you much...”

“I'm sure you've read my file,” Bruce pointed out blandly.

“I don't put much stock in them,” Clint replied with a shrug, “The important stuff's never in there.”

Bruce watched him for a moment then smiled softly, “I haven't seen my file- I have no idea what's even in there.”

“You know, you should go over it and tell us what's actually true,” Clint said with a chuckle, “That Ross guy is responsible for most of it- some of it doesn't really hold water.”

“Well now I _really_ don't want to read it,” Bruce said with a wince, “I don't think he ever forgave me for dating Betty...”

“His daughter, right?” Clint asked, shaking his head, “See- _that_ wasn't in your file, you can imagine our surprise when we found out that she was helping you evade the army. Fury was pissed.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow, wondering if it was in the file that Betty had been the only person to be able to keep the Hulk under control. She hoped it wasn't.

“It cleared things up, though,” Clint added with a wry smile, “Your whole file kind of reads like a guy ranting about why you shouldn't be allowed to date his daughter...”

“I don't think he even knew the worst of it,” Bruce muttered, rubbing her chin with a frown. Clint raised an eyebrow, but didn't push the matter.

Once the awkward silence that followed started getting too uncomfortable, Bruce cleared her throat, “So, um, what did you have in mind in terms of, well, talking?”

Clint rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged, “Anything, really, just figure it'd be nice to spend some time together,” he laughed nervously, “Because, you know, teammates.”

“I still don't know if I really count as a teammate- strictly speaking, _Hulk's_ the Avenger...” Bruce pointed out quietly. Clint blinked, not expecting to hear that. Bruce shrugged, “Hulk's the one you have to worry about- he seems to like you well enough.”

Clint shrugged, not entirely sure how to respond, finally he shrugged, “Say- could you explain to me how that works, the whole Hulk/Bruce thing, I mean- I never really got it.”

Bruce cocked her head to one side, “What do you mean?”

“Well, like...” Clint rubbed his neck, knowing this was dangerous territory and he should probably be treading with more caution before deciding to continue on anyways, “How... close... are you and Hulk? Are you the same person or--”

“ _No_ ,” Bruce snapped, before clearing her throat nervously and shaking her head, “Er, no, we aren't... It's, hm, a bit like Multiple Personality Disorder- only the switching is, uh, kind of obvious.”

“Like United States of Tara?”

“I have no idea what that is.”

“TV show, I guess they didn't have it in... wherever you were.”

“Oh, most people think of“Sybil”.”

Clint laughed uncertainly, “Yeah... I guess I was hoping it was a bit better than that.”

Bruce just shrugged.

“But, for your question, we're not very close- I know he's always lurking, but generally when I'm calm, he isn't a very strong presence. If I feel like I'm in danger, he's right there, ready to jump in. I don't know how much he remembers, but I only remember bits and pieces.” She didn't feel like mentioning that most of the memories came in the form of traumatic flashbacks and nightmares.

Clint paused for a moment, frowning, then shook his head, “What does Hulking Out feel like?”

“It hurts.”

Saying 'I'm sorry' felt too trite, but Clint couldn't think of anything else to say, and he ended up leaving it at, “Oh.”

“I'm used to it,” Bruce said quietly.

Clint nodded, not really sure what else to say. Before he got a chance to think of anything, Tony came into the kitchen- talking a mile a minute to whoever was on the other end of his phone call. He made a bee-line for the coffee maker, briefly breaking his flow to chide JARVIS for not having a cup ready for him.

Before Tony noticed who was in the room, Clint glanced over at Bruce, “Hey, thanks for the talk- we should do it again sometime, yeah?”

“Sure,” Bruce said with a shrug. Clint grinned at that, slipping out of the room in time for Tony to notice him and shoot him a dirty look.

He finished the phone call and grabbed the steaming mug, pointing it at Bruce, “You have not been in the lab lately.”

“I was out of town,” she pointed out, rolling her eyes and smiling slightly.

“No excuse!” Tony insisted, steering her out of the kitchen and towards the labs.

* * *

It wasn't difficult to figure out that, for Tony, engineering was where he turned to for comfort. Bruce had watched when he'd buried himself in calculations and measurements for his increasingly elaborate redesign of the tower following the Chitauri invasion. It wasn't always the healthiest way of doing things, but it was his way. He seemed to think it was the same for Bruce and science.

He wasn't entirely wrong, exactly. She'd loved science as a kid, threw herself into it where she could and dragged Jenny along for the ride whenever Jenny would let her. Science was impartial, the science a kid had access to was predictable, if it hurt you- you knew exactly why and how to avoid it in the future.

Although since the gamma blast, Bruce's relationship with science had become fairly complicated. Most of the experiments and research she'd done in the far-too-many recent years was experimenting on herself in a desperate attempt to find an answer. At some point, the line between “attempt to find a cure” and “suicide attempt” got blurred, though. After realizing that a bullet to the brain wasn't enough, when she got low she also had to get creative.

Despite all the technology at her disposal, she hadn't started any experiments related to the Hulk for that reason.

When Tony directed her to the lab, it wasn't difficult to figure out that he was trying to help. It did help. Tony's exuberance was contagious, he threw himself whole-heartedly into his work and it was hard not to do the same when around him. Of course, keeping up with Tony's pace was a bad idea no matter the mood Bruce was in, and about 12 hours later she finally ended up dragging Tony right back to the kitchen to get some food in them.

When Bruce was halfway through cooking an improvised stir fry, Tony cleared his throat awkwardly.

“So, uh, am I supposed to ask how you're doing or something?”

Bruce smiled slightly at that, keeping her eyes on the food, “I'm alright.”

“Right.”

With a sigh, Bruce shrugged, “I'm not angry with Clint or Natasha, Tony. What they did was necessary.” She could hear Tony open his mouth to object, but kept going. “I'm just... upset that it is necessary, that my life turned out like it did.” She shook her head, “I wasn't able to visit my mom's grave for _years_ \- not because I was busy or couldn't be bothered, because _I wasn't allowed in the country_.” She sighed heavily, “I would have liked a few days to pretend to be normal is all.”

Tony nodded, not sure if he was satisfied with the answer or not. “I still don't think it _is_ necessary.”

“Isn't your driver also your body guard?” Bruce asked, turning to face him and raising an eyebrow, “It's not that different.”

“ _I_ hired him and I can tell him to give me some time alone if I want to,” Tony retorted.

Bruce just sighed, turning her attention back to the food.

* * *

It wasn't uncommon for Bruce to find herself padding through the Avengers' living area in the middle of the night. Between nightmares and trying to match Tony's schedule, she often wandered through for a snack or drink. Occasionally someone else would be up, usually Tony, but not very often.

She was surprised, one night, to see Clint there on his own. The TV was blaring the cooking channel. She almost just walked by, not wanting to bother him, when she noticed the haunted expression on his face and the way that he was staring through the TV rather than really watching it. She paused and Clint looked up, putting on a grin and waving. Bruce waved back uncertainly then walked in and sat down on another chair. Clint's smile faltered at that, but he didn't say anything.

“Late night?” she asked gently.

Clint shrugged, “I guess. Natasha's on a mission.”

“Oh.”

“A mission,” Clint added with a grimace, staring at the TV, “that I should be on but they still don't freaking trust me.” The archer ran a hand through his hair and shook his head, “Sorry, you probably don't care.”

Bruce bit her lip then shrugged, “You can talk to me if you want, it's fine.”

Clint rolled his eyes, “So, hey, Chopped gave black garlic as an ingredient again.”

“They like doing that,” Bruce agreed with a small smile, looking Clint over. “How late do you think you'll be up?”

Clint just answered with a shrug.

Bruce rubbed her chin. On the next commercial, she quietly said, “Why don't they trust you?” It was quiet enough that Clint could pretend he didn't hear it if he wanted to brush it off.

The man glanced over at her for a moment then shrugged, “Because of, y'know...” he rubbed a hand over his face, “Loki.”

“No one ever told me what really happened with that,” she said quietly, “I just know that he kind of... stole people.”

Clint laughed darkly, “Yeah, I guess that's a way to put it,” he glanced over, “You really don't know what happened?” She shook her head slowly. “He _took over_ , he changed how I thought, who I was, stole all my memories and knowledge,” Clint growled, “I just fucking _let_ him. I _agreed_ with him while it was happening, I _li_ \--” he cut himself off, pulling his knees to his chest, “Phil's _dead_ because of me.”

It took Bruce a moment to remember that 'Phil' was Agent Coulson's name. She'd never actually had a conversation with him, but was aware of how important he had been to the rest of the Avengers. “It was... It was Loki's fault,” she offered awkwardly.

“ _ **Stop saying that!**_ ” Clint shouted, startling Bruce, before realizing who he was talking to and shaking his head, “Sorry- it's not you, that's just... _**everyone**_ tells me that and it's _not_...”

“It doesn't help, I know,” Bruce said quietly, “Betty tried to tell me that it wasn't _me_ , it wasn't _my_ fault.” Bruce shrugged, “I thought it might help you.”

Clint stared at her for a moment before nodding, “Yeah, I guess I should be glad it only happened for a little while, I don't have to live with it happening...”

“I didn't mean it like that.” Bruce frowned, “Are you still afraid of it happening?”

Clint rolled his eyes, then shugged, then pulled his knees closer and glared at the TV screen.

Bruce nodded. They sat in silence, watching the TV as the contestants on whatever gameshow is on run around trying to prepare meals that look far more delicious than they have any right to be, given what's in them.

When the show is over, Bruce glances over at Clint, “You don't _have_ to talk to me, you know, I know you don't know me well.”

Clint looked up in surprise. “You're part of the team,” he said quietly, “Why wouldn't I trust you?” He held Bruce's gaze for a moment, while she tried to come up with some response, something to justify her own distrust, and came up empty. She just nodded quietly.

“I guess I'm a bit more chatty about this stuff than I would be,” he admitted, looking away, “I don't like being so negative. I just can't really deal with Tasha being on a mission without me like this.” He shook his head, “I should be there, I _know_ Fury made the right decision, I just hate the reminder.”

“I know the feeling,” Bruce said quietly.

Clint glanced over and sighed, “Yeah, I know, I mean it when I said I was sorry about Ohio...”

“Don't. I understand, it was for the best.”

“Doesn't mean it doesn't suck,” Clint pointed out with a smirk.

 They settled back into a comfortable silence, then, broken only when one of them wanted to comment on what's going on on TV. At some point, Bruce's comment went unanswered and she looked over, realizing that Clint was curled up on the couch, snoring softly. She raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly, deciding to leave the TV on as she quietly left the room.

* * *

The next day, Tony was away doing some conference. Bruce wasn't sure exactly what Tony was doing, as his explanations of events tended to have too many creative flourishes that made it difficult to follow if you didn't already know what was going on. It was something related to the company, and he'd be out of town for a few days. Whatever he was doing, it meant Bruce had the lab to herself.

Or, at least, she had expected to. Then, about an hour after she got started working, Clint had knocked on the door and asked to come in. She invited him in and waited for him to say something. He only sat down on the couch (which Pepper had demanded be in the lab, even though Tony usually passed out where he worked either way). After a few moments, Bruce asked if he wanted anything- he didn't. Not sure how else to handle the situation, Bruce just went back to work.

It was almost possible to forget that Clint was even there. The archer just sat at the chair, feet on the coffee table, reading through _Mockingjay_. He didn't cause any real distractions, as far as Bruce could tell he didn't even glance up often.

A few hours later, Bruce stood up awkwardly and announced, “I'm, um, going to get lunch.”

Clint straightened up, feet coming off the table, and looked up eagerly at that. “Awesome- eating in or out? I know all the best places in the city.”

Bruce blinked uncertainly, “Oh, well, um, I usually eat lunch in the tower on my own.”

Clint's face fell slightly then he plastered on a slightly strained smile, “Oh, yeah, of course, no problem, I'll see you la--”

“I wouldn't mind going somewhere if you really want,” she interrupted before biting her lip, “I mean, if you're stuck babysitting me or whatever, we might as well..”

“Wait, what?”

“Aren't you here because Fury wants you to keep an eye on me?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Heh, I guess I can see why you'd think that,” Clint said with a weak laugh, rubbing his beck, “No, um, I just... well, Tasha's still gone, and after last night I kind of hoped...” Clint looked down and shook his head, “I'll get out of your hair, don't worry about it.”

Bruce felt her shoulders relax upon hearing that. She smiled gently, “I don't mind, really.”

Clint glanced over at her and raised an eyebrow, “You sure?”

Bruce just nodded, gesturing to the door.

* * *

It wasn't the first time that Natasha had gone on a mission since the Chitauri. They had always gone on missions apart from each other, that wasn't anything new. This was the first time she was going on a mission that Clint _should_ have been going on. This was the first time she was going on a mission with some punk generic agent partner instead of _Hawkeye_. This was the first time she had to tell him this, when he had to listen and smile and pretend that everything was fine and that he didn't notice the pity that had slipped into her voice.

He didn't want to admit just how much Clint needed her right now. They had always been partners, supporting and protecting each other. Now he felt like an incompetent child who couldn't be left alone for even a day. The SHIELD shrink did her best to help, but Clint didn't want to go through and relive all his worst parts and cry and pretend that it helped.

He wanted to move on. He wanted to move on with his life and go back to some semblance of normal, but the only normal he'd known for too much of his life was SHIELD, and now he wasn't allowed on missions. If it was up to them, he wouldn't even be allowed to use a bow- fortunately, Tony had included a state of the art archery range in his ridiculous repairs of the tower. Not that Clint was complaining.

He knew that he wasn't going to be able to sleep well that night. On a good day he still faced nightmares and flashbacks. But he wanted to pretend he was getting better, that he wasn't completely reliant on Natasha, that he had a chance in hell of getting better. So he'd tried going to sleep as if everything was normal, and once he'd finally gotten himself calmed down enough, the shaking settled down enough, he camped out in the living room and tried to drown out the demons in his mind with late night television.

He hadn't thought about what would happen if anyone found him. He really should have. Most people would have made things worse. Steve would have tried to offer some sort of moral support. Tony would have made some aggravating sarcastic “joke”. Thor probably would have tried to cheer him up with something about Valor and Battle that would have been amusing at least. Even if he had thought about it, he wouldn't have expected Bruce to do anything- Bruce seemed most likely to shuffle away as quickly as possible to avoid socialization.

 He wouldn't have imagined Bruce would sit down to talk, much less that Bruce would actually _help_. And he wouldn't go so far as to say that it was the best nights sleep he'd ever had, it wasn't, but somehow the nightmares seemed a bit easier to wake up from.

* * *

As it turned out, Clint hadn't been exaggerating when he said that he knew all the best places in the city. An offhand comment about how Bruce missed _real_ Indian food and next thing she knew, they were at a small family run place where the workers all spoke Bengali to most of the customers and were delighted to find out Bruce understood a bit. They were given more food than they ordered and Bruce spent the time explaining what the different foods were to Clint, who was all too happy to try them. With Clint's comments and easy going personality, it wasn't long before they were both laughing.

It was the nicest time out Bruce had had in longer than he'd care to think about.

“Did you really like it there?” Clint asked on their way back, raising an eyebrow.

“Kolkata?” Bruce asked, and Clint nodded. She shrugged, “I was on the run so I couldn't get close to anyone, in a poor area, trying to help people I had no hope of truly improving the lives of... It wasn't fun, but there were some things I enjoyed about everywhere I went.”

“We never get to really spend enough time in a place to enjoy it,” Clint commented wistfully, “I've got a list of places I'd like to visit again some day.”

Bruce nodded, “I would have liked to go under different circumstances, but it was nice to be able to see what it was actually like to live there. Most people who travel just see tourist traps- they don't get to really see what the culture is like.”

“I'll have to keep that in mind if I ever get a chance to go,” Clint said with a slight chuckle.

* * *

 

When they got back to the tower, Clint went back to the lab with Bruce. At first they settled down in silence, then Bruce asked what he was reading and, upon finding out that Bruce had never read _The Hunger Games_ , Clint launched into an account of the entire plot while Bruce worked. It was different to having Tony there, Tony's energy was far more manic and overpowering. Bruce wouldn't want Clint to be there every time she had to work, but it was nice for the mean time. They parted ways once Bruce was finished, but that night they watched TV until Clint fell asleep on the couch again.

Over the next few days, they continued the same way. It was strange how quickly they fell into the habit, and how comfortable it felt.


	12. Humming

It wasn't going to last, of course, it was never meant to. The second Natasha returned from her assignment, JARVIS announced it to both of them in the lab. Clint was up and out the door in a flash. Bruce was fairly certain that he'd made some comment on the way out- a 'see you later' or 'thanks' or something along those lines- but the comment had been lost in the movement.

Not that that was something worth dwelling on. Tony would be back soon enough. The hollow feeling, surely, was just a result of being alone in the lab for the first time since she'd moved into the tower. Although it wasn't actually the first time, but she didn't want to think about that.

“Hey.”

A few hours had passed since Clint's hasty departure and Bruce hadn't been expecting other visitors. She glanced up, stomach lurching slightly when she saw that Clint was poking his head in the door, grinning brightly.

“I just wanted to thank you,” he continued, “You know, for putting up with me these last few days- don't worry, I'll be out of your hair now, though.”

Bruce just stared for a moment, before nodding, “Okay, then.”

Clint's grin faltered, then he shrugged, said “See you around” and left.

* * *

 

When Tony got back, Bruce expected that everything would settle back to normal. Tony certainly acted as though no time had passed since the last time he'd been in the lab. After spending the first night back with Pepper, the next morning he entered the lab with his usual hurricane of activity. Bruce asked how the conference had gone, and was answered with a rush of obscured references, hand gestures, and tangents that didn't really answer the question. It made Bruce smile, though, it was nice to have Tony back and being, well, Tony.

 It wasn't long before his music was blaring, he was talking a mile a minute, and for all intents and purposes it was like he'd never left.

Except it wasn't.

The third time that Bruce got caught up in her thoughts, she was brought back to reality by an awkwardly aimed fire extinguisher, courtesy of DUM-E. She'd managed to catch her sleeve on fire from the bunsen burner.

Cursing loudly, she shouted for the damn robot to stop already while turning off the burner and trying to salvage what she'd been working on.

"DUM-E! Come on, I thought we were past this!" Tony chided, taking away the now empty extinguisher. The robot looked duly disappointed in itself. Tony motioned for it to go back to what it was doing, then turned to Bruce.

"Okay, what is going on?" he asked, hands on his hips.

Bruce wanted to say nothing was, but she couldn't manage to do so believably. "I... I should probably go get a shower."

"You can talk first- usually _I'm_ the one who's setting myself on fire, you're the one who's obsessed with safety protocols."

"Following basic lab safety is _not_ an obsession, Tony," she pointed out with pursed lips. Tony raised an eyebrow at her and she sighed. "My mind's just elsewhere... Sorry."

"Did something happen?"

She shook her head, "Nothing important, don't worry too much." Tony rolled his eyes at that. She flicked a bit of the foam off of her shirt, "I'm going to go deal with this, okay?"

"Knock yourself out," Tony replied with a shrug, "Hope that whatever it is works out."

Bruce nodded, waiving slightly as she left.

* * *

That night, Bruce returned to the living room. It was fairly late, she'd given up on sleep only after a few hours' trying. After not being able to sleep, she assumed that the days she'd spent staying up with Clint had thrown off her sleep schedule. That would be easy enough to fix, she'd done it plenty of times before.

It was the most logical explanation for her sleeplessness, there really wasn't a good reason for her to be so out of sorts. At a loss for anything better to do, she hoped that TV would help somewhat. It wasn't what she'd usually do, but after the last week, it now felt familiar and soothing.

Halfway through the second episode of _Wife Swap_ \- when the fundamentalist Christian woman was trying to convince the atheist family to accept Jesus as their lord and savior- someone leaned against the back of the couch, about a foot away from where she was sitting. She jerked slightly, then realized it was Clint.

"Can't sleep?" He asked with a sympathetic smile.

Bruce shrugged, "I'll be fine, I just get insomnia from time to time."

"Heh, obviously I know that one," he commented, vaulting over the couch and settling down.

"I didn't expect to see you, since Natasha' back," Bruce said quietly, picking at the edge of the couch cushion and curling into herself.

Clint shrugged, "The best TV is on after 3."

Bruce raised an eyebrow, but just nodded in agreement.

Sometime during the episode, they started talking about Avenger's business, prompting Bruce to ask, "When did you start archery?"

Clint snorted, "I ran away and joined the circus." Bruce chuckled slightly at that, then Clint shook his head, "I'm serious- that's really what happened."

"Oh."

"Yeah, no one thinks I'm serious when they hear that."

Bruce shifted slightly, "Why did you run away?"

"Orphanage sucked," he said, suddenly finding his fingernails very interesting, "Before you ask- my parents died when I was a kid, car accident."

"I'm so sorry," Bruce said quietly.

Clint shrugged, not looking up, "Well, I guess I shouldn't say it was an _accident_ \- it's not much of an accident when your drunken asshole of a father decided to drive after spending the morning drinking, despite your mom trying to get him to give her the keys."

Bruce looked down, "It's easier to think of it as an accident, though."

Clint looked up, frowning slightly. He looked over Bruce for a moment before nodding, "Yeah, it kind of is."

"Was it fun being in the circus?" Bruce asked quietly.

"Some of it was, and I got something pretty good out of it, so I guess it was worth it."

Bruce nodded.

"I guess I don't have to ask how you became the Hulk- gamma blast, right?"

"Yeah..." Bruce said with a sigh, "Ross told us we were working to help increase soldiers' defense to radiation, turns out we were actually trying to replicate the super soldier serum."

"Wow," Clint said, "Guess it didn't work."

"Not like they wanted, at least," she said bitterly, "I'm not convinced it wasn't actually a success, though."

"How do you figure that?"

Bruce frowned at him, scrutinizing him for a few moments while she decided how to answer. It took long enough that he started shifting uncomfortably and was on the verge of changing the subject when she spoke again. "I read Dr. Erskine's notes- the formula..." she licked her lips, trying to believe that she wasn't making a mistake by telling him this, "It amplifies what's inside- good becomes great. Bad becomes..." She shrugged.

"You think you're actually like that?" Clint asked quietly, remembering what Bruce had said the secret was.

Bruce shook her head, "Not exactly..." She bit her lip, "I... Well, I said it was like Multiple Personality Disorder- I'd never been formally diagnosed, but, um..."

"You think the formula latched onto your other personality?"

She nodded, refusing to meet his gaze, "From what my relatives and Betty have told me, I think it's accurate."

"So, what, were you born with it?" Clint asked, leaning towards her very slightly. When Bruce only shrugged, he shifted in his seat, "Sounds rough."

Bruce nodded, "I think that's part of why Ross hates me- he'd read Erskine's file, he probably assumed that, if anything, I'd be an even meeker nerd than I was. He got a monster instead." She smiled ruefully, "If I'd known what he was doing, I could have told him it'd end badly."

"Is it okay that I'm kind of glad it happened?" Clint asked gently. She looked over, raising an eyebrow. "I mean, it sucks, I get that, but you're figuring out how to do good now, Hulk can be pretty cool when people aren't shooting at him, and, hey, who else would put up with watching crappy TV at 4 am with me?"

She shook her head, although her lips twitched upwards slightly, "I try to make the best of it."

Clint grinned, letting himself get distracted by the theme song of the next show.

* * *

The next day, Tony watched her carefully. Anyone who didn't know Tony probably wouldn't realize that this was what he was doing, as he continued to work on his own projects and rattle on about whatever popped into his head. Bruce noticed him watching her out of the corner of his eye even when he was working, though.

There was no repeat of the previous day, though. She didn't set anything on fire, was actually able to focus on her work, and all in all things seemed perfectly back to normal.

"You're _humming_ ," Tony said at one point, crossing his arms, "Why are you humming?"

"People are allowed to hum, Tony," Bruce insisted, although she hadn't realized she was doing it before he brought it up.

"I have _never_ heard you hum before."

"I'm surprised you heard me _then_ , over that music."

Tony shook his head, "No, really, did something happen to put you in a good mood? Some development in nuclear physics I haven't been privy to?"

“It's not that weird,” Bruce snorted, rolling her eyes.

“See, actually, it _is_ ,” Tony pointed out, “You don't _do_ happy, you do 'moderately less miserable than usual'.”

“You're exaggerating.”

“Not as much as you might want to think,” he grumbled, “If I didn't know any better I'd think you had a crush or something, traipsing around all giggly.”

Bruce froze at that, her brain tripping over itself to come up with the best way to refute that claim. The resultant “I am _not_ , but... that's not... no!” wasn't very pretty and one of Tony's eyebrows gradually raised, soon followed by the other one.

“Ha! You _do?_ ” Tony grinned brightly, grabbing a nearby chair and sitting in it backwards, arms resting on the back of it as he looked up at her eagerly. “Who?”

“I don't, Tony, don't be ridiculous,” she muttered, fully aware that the creeping blush on her face was doing nothing to help her case.

“You never get out, so it basically _has_ to be another Avenger...” Tony continued, waving a hand in the air, “The only relationship I actually know about was with a woman...” he frowned, “It's not on Natasha, is it?”

“God no,” Bruce insisted. Tony chuckled at that response, before the thoughtful look came back. “Please, Tony, drop this, I do _not_ have a crush on anyone.”

“Which only leaves men--”

“I _could_ have a crush on Pepper,” Bruce pointed out, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow at Tony, completely derailing his train of thought. Emotions passed over his face- confused, disturbed, angry, just a touch of fear, amused, Bruce was fairly sure aroused was in there but ignored it- coupled with a strange cross between a laugh and a yelp. “But I don't, don't worry, I wouldn't try anything even if I did, but _please_ drop this.”

Tony recovered fairly quickly, “Is that what you meant when you said you weren't gay? That you're into men, too?” Bruce's only response was to bury her face in her hands. Tony frowned, tapping his cheek, “How _does_ that work for... well... someone like you?”

“I _really_ hope you're asking about orientation labels and not how sex works,” Bruce groaned.

“Well, I _meant_ the former,” he grinned, “But, hey, I'm always up for a talk about the latter.”

Bruce shook her head, sighing heavily, “If I answer this will you _please_ drop the idea of me having a crush?”

“That wouldn't be near as fun!” Tony pointed out with a smirk.

“I think you will anyways- because my entire point is that it _doesn't_ work.”

Tony frowned, managing to resist the urge to glance a bit farther south than Bruce's face at that comment. “Sure it does, I mean, plenty of people end up in relationships...”

“The _labels_ don't work, though. I mean... when I was with Betty,” she wrung her hands together, “ _Technically_ it was two women dating... but... she didn't... well...” Bruce looked away, “I don't know for sure how she identifies, but for all intents and purposes it was a straight relationship...”

“Yeah, I guess it gets a little complicated when you think you're dating a man but you really aren't.”

“Little bit,” Bruce agreed quietly, focusing on the formulas in front of her, “I try not to think about it, I just consider myself off the market.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “So is there _any_ pleasure you haven't decided you don't deserve?”

Bruce smiled slightly, “I still illegally download comic books.”

“ _Illegally?_ Really, Bruce, if you need a raise- there's no need to be coy,” Tony said, shaking his head.

That got a genuine laugh out of Bruce, “What can I say, I'm nostalgic for my days as a broke college student pirate- you can donate a real batmobile to DC comics or something if you feel that broken up about it.”

Tony snorted, “Please- like I'd give those hacks anything. Batman is _clearly_ a rip-off of me.”

Bruce rolled her eyes, “Tony- Batman was first written in 1939.”

“Then it's a very impressive job,” Tony replied, crossing his arms, “Same with Superman- blatantly ripping off Cap.”

Bruce snorted at the thought, shaking her head.

Any hopes that the conversation was over were quickly squashed, though, when Tony started with, “So you just refuse to date because you don't want to have to come out?”

Bruce grimaced, “Yes, Tony, the turning into a giant green monster whenever my heart rate is elevated isn't at all part of the problem.”

“Now, see, _that_ is a cop out- because I happen to know that if sex were really enough to make you Hulk Out, you wouldn't even be able to go jogging,” Tony scoffed.

Bruce stormed over, grabbing the chair Tony was sitting in and leaning down so her face was inches from him. “Tony, listen carefully because I am telling you this _once_ and then you are _never_ raising this issue again,” she said, keeping her voice completely level, “Sex brings _every single thing_ that is wrong with my body and puts it at the forefront of my mind, I don't care what it's like for _normal_ people, it sends me into panic attacks and I do _not_ want to hear about some solution you have to that- _drop it, Tony_.”

She let go of the chair harshly, causing it to slide back a few inches, the legs screeching unpleasantly on the floor. Bruce stood there, glaring at Tony in case he decided not to listen to her about dropping the subject.

Tony bit his lip, not at all accustomed to having to think before he spoke. Gradually he came out with, “Okay- but you are aware you can have a relationship without sex, right?”

Bruce pressed her lips together into a thin line, “That doesn't get rid of the other problem that I refuse to tell anyone and refuse to date someone I haven't told- unless you're proposing a threesome with you and Pepper.”

“See, if we were talking just sex, I'd actually ask her about that,” Tony pointed out with a wink, causing Bruce's lips to press together into an even thinner line. He held his hands up, “I'm joking, okay, I get it.” He smirked, “Of course, that doesn't mean you can't have a crush.”

There were times that Bruce wondered if Tony got off on trying to make her Hulk Out.

This was one of those times.

Bruce collapsed into the nearest chair, massaging her eyes with the balls of her hands while Tony went on with his line of reasoning.

“So, basically, we've got Thor--”

“If Asgard is like the old Norse, then I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be okay with it,” she pointed out.

“You given that much thought?” Tony asked cheekily, chuckling as she rolled her eyes. “Then there's Cap- and, I admit, I could see that. He's basically got the perfect body, he's nice to a fault, and you two have been having those super secret movie sessions lately...”

Bruce snorted at that, shaking her head, “Do you really care so much about comic-based movies and TV shows? Because we can invite you.”

“As _exciting_ as that sounds...” Tony replied, shaking his head. “That basically leaves Clint. Which--”

“Having a crush on Clint would be the worst idea,” she interrupted, the words out of her mouth before she had a chance to think about it, “He's with Natasha.”

“Yeah... She probably would kill anyone who messed with her guy- then kill him,” Tony agreed, leaning back, “Of course, that'd only apply if he and Nat actually were dating.”

“What?”

“See, this is what happens when you avoid everyone,” he said, tutting slightly, “You get these ideas into your head and never actually bother to correct them...” Bruce stared at him, face fairly blank. Tony grinned, “They're close, don't get me wrong, definitely partners- but a totally platonic sense of the term.” He then grimaced slightly, “After the way Natasha and Pepper got on while she was under cover here, it wouldn't surprise me if she's not even into men...”

Bruce smirked, “I'm surprised you didn't take the opportunity to propose a three-way.”

“I actually did... Thankfully, Pepper just laughed in my face,” Tony shook his head, “I could totally see her leaving me for Natasha.”

“I'm sure she wouldn't,” Bruce said soothingly, offering a small smile.

Tony snorted, “Eh, that doesn't matter, I'll worry about it if and when it does happen.”

Bruce nodded at that. After a bit of silence, the two gravitated back to their work, settling back into their usual routine. Bruce wasn't entirely sure _why_ Tony had dropped the subject of her alleged crush, but she also wasn't going to question it.

* * *

 

A week or so later, Bruce realized that she'd again fallen easily into a routine with Clint. Every other night or so, one of the two would find the other in the living room and they'd spend the night watching TV until they fell asleep. She hadn't meant to, of course.

The first time after Natasha had been back, she'd just had insomnia. The next time, 2 days later, she had just finished late in the lab and happened to pass by while Clint was sitting there. She'd only gone in to say hello that time, then ended up staying until she was waking up with the chair's pattern etched into her cheek from falling asleep on its arm. Then, the next night, the team had eaten dinner together and Clint quietly suggested they watch a movie together that night and, well, one movie turned into three.

It didn't mean anything, they just both kept late hours and liked the company. As meaningless as it most certainly was, it was nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly, on Clint's backstory, I don't know if that'sr eally accurate or not, I don't know much about his backstory. I think that's accurate, but I may be totally making it up. Apologies if I'm totally wrecking his backstory there.


	13. "Cute"

“Hey,” Clint said during a commercial break of _Toddlers and Tiaras_ (they were spending the entire time commenting about how wrong it all was and finding themselves completely unable to change the channel), looking oddly at Bruce's feet, “Are you wearing nail polish?”

“No!” Bruce said hastily, before glancing down and realizing that she'd slipped out of her slippers when she pulled her feet onto the cushion. There was a flash of fear in her mind, she couldn't believe that she had let herself get so sloppy. She smiled awkwardly, “They're naturally purple.”

Clint chuckled, “It's a good color.”

“Heh, yeah,” she agreed awkwardly, scratching her cheek and hoping that the poor lighting would hide how furiously she was blushing.

The show came back on, and the conversation went back to the ethical concerns of spray tans for 2-year-olds. During it, Bruce felt her head spinning, fear that she could end up exposing herself and hope that he really didn't seem to mind that she was wearing nail polish warring with each other underneath the desire to just sink into the couch cushion and disappear. She curled her feet under her as best as she could, completely obscuring the offending polish from view.

Clint noticed, and shrugged, keeping his face towards the screen, “It's no big deal, you know, people make way too big a deal about that stuff.” Bruce glanced over at him, holding her breath. “So what if a guy wants to wear makeup or whatever?” She winced slightly, looking down. “If it looks hot, wear whatever you want.”

Bruce rolled her eyes, biting down the urge to scream that she _wasn't_ a 'guy' who wanted to wear makeup, “What, you think I look hot in this nail polish?”

“No, I think you look hot in general,” he replied with a smirk, then shrugged, “I think you look cute in it.”

She watched him for a moment, waiting for him to start laughing or do _something_ to show it was a joke. When he just started rubbing his neck and looking away, she jerked to her feet. It was not a graceful movement, made all the more awkward because her feet were curled under her so she almost fell on her face in the attempt. She gave herself a solid second to allow her brain to spit out a reasonable excuse to leave. It failed to do so, and she just walked out of the room.

“Wait!” Clint shouted, standing up as she left. He took a step forward to follow her, then decided against it. “ _Fuck_ ,” he muttered, slumping back down on the couch and covering his face with his hands.

* * *

 

In retrospect, Bruce was not proud of her actions.

She had no idea what to do about it, though, because she didn't know what she should be feeling. She tried sleeping on it, she really did. She lay on her bed, cocooned in her blankets, and tried to get to sleep to deal with it in the morning.

She gave up on sleep far sooner than she actually got out of bed. She waited until it seemed reasonable to expect people to be up and then crawled out of bed, made an attempt at looking borderline presentable, and took the elevator to Tony's apartment. She knocked on the door, and it was only after she did that she realized she had no idea how much time he _actually_ spent there or if there was any reason to think he'd even be there.

Before she had a chance to retreat after that realization, the door opened. Pepper was the one standing there, and she raised her eyebrows in surprise upon seeing who was in there. Bruce had the same response, she had completely forgotten that Tony and Pepper lived together and that it was perfectly possible that _Pepper_ would be the one who was there.

“Sorry, I didn't think you... um... is Tony...?” Bruce asked weakly.

“Rhodey's in town and they decided to meet up,” Pepper explained. She looked Bruce over and then frowned, “Is something wrong?”

“Would you believe me if I said no?”

Pepper shook her head with a small smile, opening the door more and stepping aside, “Come in, do you want coffee?”

“Sure,” she said, mostly because she'd been brought up taught it was rude to turn offers down. She didn't actually drink coffee for pleasure. When she was in college and grad school she'd lived off of crappy coffee to get through all-nighters, but had never been able to find a way she could drink it that it actually tasted _good_.

She followed Pepper inside and tried not to gape at the way that the apartment just screamed _luxury_. The space that Tony had provided for all of the Avengers was certainly nice, nicer than anywhere Bruce had ever lived, but this apartment was what she would expect of a billionaire. It actually made her somewhat uncomfortable. While she was clearly aware that Tony was rich, she never really thought of him that way.

Pepper led her into the kitchen and gestured for her to sit at the island counter while she made the coffee. “Is there any way you prefer it?” she asked, putting a sugar and some cream in her own.

“Um, not really, however you take it is fine,” she said uncertainly, not sure whether or not she should admit that she actually didn't like coffee. Pepper made it the same way as she had made hers, passing the cup to Bruce and sitting down on the opposite side of the table. Bruce blew on it gently, then took a small sip, frowning down at the cup in surprise, “That actually tastes good- how did you do it?”

Pepper chuckled, “Tony might be willing to drink anything with caffeine in it, but I'm a bit picky about my morning pick me up. I'm glad you like it.” She stirred her cup slowly, took a sip, and placed it back down. “So, what's going on?”

Bruce bit her lip and stared down at the coffee in her hands. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes before blurting out, “I have a crush on Clint.” She drank some more of the coffee, allowing herself to be distracted once again by amazement at how good it actually tasted.

“Oh, that's--” she started, not sure exactly what it was, “Does he... _know_?” Bruce shook her head. Pepper nodded then, “I see...”

“I don't want to tell him,” she said quietly, “I don't want to... _like_ him.” She cringed at how much she sounded like a teenager when talking about this. She furrowed her brows, “We were getting along fine, and now I have to _ruin_ it--”

Pepper interrupted her by placing a hand lightly on her arm and smiling at her, “You aren't ruining anything.” Bruce looked up at her uncertainly. “You don't _have_ to do anything, you know, you can just enjoy your crush and keep going as you have been.” She took her hand back, “Of course, you could also take the risk. You might be surprised.”

Bruce shook her head, “Even if I told him and he was awesome and everything was fine- I don't think I could handle a relationship.”

“I can understand that,” Pepper agreed with a sigh, “Tony and I had flirted for a... _long_ time before he was actually ready for one.” She shook her head, “But did anything happen to get you so worked up about this? Did you just realize it or...?”

“He called me cute,” she said quietly, dipping her head again, “I forgot I had nail polish on my toes and my slippers were off and he noticed and called me cute.” She took a quick sip of the coffee, “And I completely freaked out.”

“Oh... sweetie,” Pepper replied softly, reaching over and squeezing Bruce's hand gently. They sat like that for a moment before she sighed grasped her cup in both hands, “I know it doesn't seem like it, but it will work out. If he's worth it, he can wait until you're ready- if he's not worth it, you're better off without him.”

Bruce smiled weakly, “I get the feeling that that shouldn't make me feel better... but it really does.”

“That's what matters,” Pepper assured her. She sighed, glancing out the window for a moment before fixing her with a sharp glance. “You weren't _actually_ planning on going to Tony for relationship advice, were you?”

“Oh God no,” Bruce said with a slight laugh, “I was figuring we could blow things up to get my mind off of it.”

“I take back everything I said about you being a good influence on him,” Pepper said with a grin, shaking her head.

* * *

The archery range was a place of solace for Clint. The fluid, practiced motion of notching, drawing, and releasing the bow was like meditation for him. The tower's archery range was what he was most grateful to Tony for.

He was there trying to process the events of the night before. Exactly what he'd done wrong was still a mystery to him, although for now all he could really do was accept it and try not to come up with horrific scenarios for what would happen the next time he and Bruce spoke.

It turned out that he wouldn't have long to wait. Halfway through one of the moving target programs Tony had created for him, he noticed Bruce enter the archery range. She seemed to be waiting for Clint to finish, so the archer did. And if he showed off a little, well, who could prove it?

He finished the program and turned to face Bruce.

"I'm sorry about yesterday."

They both said it at the same time, and smiled at each other.

"You really don't need to apologize," Bruce said softly, "I completely overreacted."

Clint shrugged, "The way I see it, no one /really/ overreacts- I'm guessing there's some reason it got under your skin so bad." She nodded quietly, feeling her face heat up slightly. He smiled, "Yeah, see, so don't apologize for that." He rubbed the back of his neck, "Is there any chance you can tell me what it was so I won't do it again?"

"I just... Have a lot of issues," she said with a nervous laugh.

"I think we all do," Clint said with a grin, taking a few steps towards her.

She nodded, "Yeah, that's true..."

Clint licked his lips, “Okay, I'm sorry if this is pushing it, but, well... Could you just tell me if I need to back off completely? If you just aren’t in a good place for a relationship or whatever right now- sure, I get that, no problem. But if you're not interested at all, well, I'd kind of like to know.”

Bruce froze upon hearing the question, then forced herself to gradually relax. She fidgeted with her hands for a moment. “So,” she started, speaking slowly and carefully, “You're gay, then?

“I wouldn't say that- I don't only date men or anything, I care more about who someone is, anyways, gender's pretty secondary to me,” he shrugged then frowned, “Why, is that a problem?”

Bruce tucked a curl behind her ear, “Not at all.”

“What about you, then?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, “I know you had a girlfriend, but that doesn’t necessarily mean…” he shrugged, “I admit, it wouldn’t be the first time I got interested in a straight guy.”

“I’m _not_ \--” she closed her mouth and pressed her lips together into a thin line, taking a deep breath. “It’s complicated.” She shifted her weight, “How does asking straight guys usually go for you?”

“Eh, not really that interesting,” he replied with a slight laugh, “Once in awhile I’ll get an asshole who takes it as an insult and tries to throw a punch- but that’s nothing I can’t handle.”

She took a brief glance at his arms when he said that, nodding, “I’m sure you can.” Clint smirked at her, and she tried to ignore the heat creeping across her face.

Before either of them had a chance to say anything, JARVIS’s voice rang out across the archery range. “ _Captain America has called the Avengers to Assemble._ ”


	14. Doing What Works (or doesn't)

The mission was fairly routine for the Avengers. Doctor Doom had attacked with an army of Doombots, which Hulk had a fairly enjoyable time smashing. The rest of the Avengers primarily got civilians to safety, and then Ironman tried out a device he and Bruce had been working on to disable them. It didn’t have enough range to put all of the Doombots out of commission, but it made it a much easier mission than it would have been without that.

A city block was still destroyed, though. They couldn’t yet be certain that there were no casualties, and some people had been badly hurt before the area had been evacuated. 

That was one thing about being a superhero- even their most successful missions were still tragedies for some.

Bruce woke up in rubble, nearly naked. This was something that a person really shouldn’t be accustomed to, but she learned to stop thinking about that years ago. She automatically began gathering the ruined pants around her, shifting into a better position to look around her. 

Something soft nudged her shoulder, and she glanced over to see Clint sitting next to her, nudging her with the clothes he carried on hand for just this occasion.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, glancing at them and then looking around. She was in the remains of an office. A quick glance upward told her that it was several stories down- there was a large hole that extended up past the roof, and blue sky peeked through. Bruce sighed, pulling on the shirt before standing up to put the shorts on.

Clint ran a hand through his hair, staring up at the sky, “I’m not exactly the most modest guy, and I’m still pretty impressed that you’re so calm about being naked like that.”

Bruce shrugged, “Kind of had to get used to it- besides, I generally feel completely dissociated from my body right after Hulking out.”

“That can’t be pleasant,” he said quietly. 

She just shrugged. She didn’t feel like getting into just how small the difference was to go from her normal level of dissociation to ‘completely’. Bruce plucked at the shirt, covered in the art of what was probably some band she’d never heard of, “Is this Tony’s?”

“Mine,” he replied, standing up now that she was dressed again. 

Bruce’s hands clenched around the shirt for a moment before she willed herself to loosen the grip. She was _not_ going to think about wearing Clint’s shirt. 

Clint frowned at the action, “Is it… uh… is it bad for _me_ to be the one to find you after?”

“Why would it be?” she asked, looking him in the eye and blinking in genuine confusion.

Clint just smiled and shrugged. He stood up, “We should head back to the others.” 

* * *

 

After getting back to the tower, the Avengers took an hour to eat and unwind. Ever since the impromptu shawarma, they kept that tradition whenever possible. The meals were still in silence, with a few exceptions, nothing like the team meals they had together the rest of the time. They’d long since figured out that it was helpful to be able to just sit with people who knew what they were going through, rather than retreating individually. 

Once that was over, Bruce showered and went down to the lab. It wasn’t long before Tony had done the same. They got back to work, and everything got back to normal. 

For certain values of normal, at least.

* * *

 

Tony frowned through the screen at Bruce. 

Now, Tony would be the first to admit that he wasn’t the greatest with people. He was charismatic, he could play a room with ease, he could out negotiate the best of them- but when it came to actual connections, well, there was a reason he had created so many AIs. Basically, when Tony noticed there was a problem- generally, the problem had already gone far too long.

Which is why, when he finally noticed that Bruce had once again withdrawn into herself, he wasn’t about to brush it off as not a big deal.

(Very strictly speaking, Tony hadn’t strictly noticed himself so much as Steve pulled him aside to ask if anything was wrong with Bruce after the third time of being brushed off with a half-assed excuse. Bruce still spent all of her time in the lab, so there wasn’t a major difference to Tony that she’d been spending a little more than before. But that was a minor detail as far as Tony was concerned.)

“So are you going to make this easy and tell me what’s going on, or are we going to do this the usual way with you insisting everything’s fine until I weedle it out of you?” Tony asked, rolling his eyes. 

Bruce looked up, raising an eyebrow, “Well, no sense breaking tradition now.”

“Uh huh,” he crossed his arms, “Fine… so… once again I get to play “why is the physicist looking like someone kicked your puppy”.” He leaned forward, “Actually- should we get you a puppy? I don’t think you can be upset when you have a puppy. We’ll have to clear it with Pepper. Since it’s yours, she might go along with it.”

“Team does need a mascot,” Bruce agreed. 

Tony nodded, “Yes, but this is getting off topic.” He rubbed his chin, “Okay, so, Steve says you’ve been avoiding him- so is it something to do with him?”

“I’ve just been busy,” she said with a shrug, “It’s nothing personal to him.”

“Uh huh.” He did not sound convinced. “Now that I think about it, I don’t think you and Clint have been having your Super Secret Sleepovers lately- hey, JARVIS, has Bruce gone back to avoiding Clint?”

“ _It has been 3 weeks since Doctor Banner has spoken with Agent Barton, sir,_ ” the AI responded over Bruce’s objections to the question.

“3 weeks?” Tony asked, tutting, “ _Really_? Are we doing this again?”

“It’s what I do,” Bruce muttered, staring at the desk, “It works for me.”

“It works. Right. This,” he waved his hand towards Bruce, “is the picture of something working.”

“Lay off, Tony…”

“Okay, new tactic,” Tony said, moving the screen away so he could look directly at Bruce, “Did anything happen? Clint didn’t do anything or whatever, right?” 

Bruce sighed, rubbing her face, “Look… it’s just… Pepper was wrong.”

Tony raised an eyebrow at that. It wasn’t a sentence he heard very often. “Wrong about what?”

“She said…” Bruce sighed, shaking his head, “She said that I could just… enjoy having a crush without doing anything about it, but she was wrong, I can’t.”

Tony managed to bite his tongue to avoid asking questions about that revelation. After a moment, Bruce continued in a very small voice, “I think he might like me back.”

“Of course!” Tony said with a grin, wrapping around Bruce’s shoulder, “What’s not to like?”

“I’ve got a list,” Bruce replied wryly, rolling her eyes, “That just makes it worse, Tony. If he didn’t… if it was just a hopeless crush, I’d be okay. But… he might, and so I can’t be around him without that annoying little thought at the back of my head that this might actually be possible.”

“You should give it a chance,” Tony said quietly, “You’re not even giving Clint the chance to be cool with this- you’re just making this decision without him. What if he turned out to be totally okay about everything?”

“What if he turned out to be awful about it?” Bruce asked softly.

“That,” Tony replied with a smirk, “Is what military grade weaponry is for.”

That earned a laugh from Bruce, which Tony counted as a win.

“Be serious, though, if this goes bad- it could mess up the entire team, I can’t live with that,” Bruce said quietly, “Hulk is basically the manifestation of my Id- that’s an oversimplification, but I’m pretty sure if Clint reacted badly to this, Hulk wouldn’t hesitate to cause serious damage.”

“Okay, okay, yeah, this is more complicated than it could be,” Tony agreed, holding his hands up, “But it’s still not hopeless. Just think about it, alright?”

“That’s the only thing I _can_ do,” she muttered, turning back to her work.

* * *

 

Steve stood outside of the door to Bruce’s apartment, hand raised to knock, before hesitating. He didn’t know for sure how the scientist would react to this, Bruce had always been a private person. This might be pushing his boundaries and only cause more harm than good. 

Steve shook his head and knocked on the door. He at least had to make sure the doctor was okay. They were teammates, and Steve hoped they were also friends.

After a moment, the door opened, and Bruce peered out uncertainly. “Hi… I, um… sorry.”

“For what?” Steve asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Nothing, I guess, nevermind,” Bruce said, shaking her head and opening the door more. She glanced at him uncertainly, “Do you… want to come in?”

Steve almost said yes, but Bruce looked like it would not be welcome. He just put a smile on his face, “No, this is fine.” Bruce visibly relaxed at that. “I just wanted to talk to you- you’ve been withdrawing from everyone.”

“I’ve been… busy,” Bruce mumbled, glancing down and shrugging, “It’s no big deal.”

“If you’re sure…” Steve said quietly, “But I want to make sure you know that we’re a team. If you need help, you can come to us.” He put his hand on Bruce’s shoulder, immediately regretting the action when the scientist actually flinched. 

“I don’t want to cause any trouble,” Bruce said, refusing to meet his gaze.

“Even if you did, we’d work through it,” Steve promised, “Problems come up, that’s a part of life. I know you’re having a hard time, but please believe you can trust us.”

Bruce just stared at him for a moment. Eventually she shifted in the doorway. “What happens… if there’s a really big problem? You can’t fix everything.”

Steve frowned, wanting to press for more information but knowing it wasn’t a good idea. He shook his head, “I can’t give you any guarantees- but we aren’t going to give up on you that easily.” He smiled kindly, “Give us the chance, we might surprise you.”

Bruce watched him, not saying anything in response. After a few moments of silence, Steve shifted awkwardly and tried to smile a bit larger, “Well, I won’t bother you any longer. It was good talking to you.”

“You, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos! I truly appreciate them!


	15. The Explanation

Bruce wanted to believe what Steve had said. Really she did. She’d wanted to believe that ever since she returned to New York during the Chitauri battle. She’d wanted to believe it all the times that Tony had said a paraphrase of the same exact thing. Wanting to believe it and actually believing it were two different things, though.

She took off her glasses and rubbed her face. A glance at the clock told her that she’d spent an hour attempting to work on the equations she needed for the experiment and had gotten exactly nowhere. She wasn’t even thinking about running anymore, she had just gotten trapped into a spiral of “What if?”s and bouncing between optimism and despair so fast that she didn’t feel anything anymore.

Tony was right. This wasn’t working.

Bruce sighed heavily, putting down her pencil- because she still liked the feel of real pencil and paper no matter how much Tony whined about it- and pushing away from the desk.

"JARVIS?” she asked quietly.

" _Yes, Dr. Banner?_ ”

"Is Clint in the tower?”  
  


* * *

It really wasn’t a surprise to find Clint in the archery range. Bruce would have again watched him shoot for a few moments, the sight was actually somewhat relaxing, but as soon as she opened the door he released the arrow and then lowered his bow.

"...Hi,” she said weakly. He looked over at her and just crossed his arms. She took a deep breath, “I’m sorry about…” she made a gesture that she hoped communicated ‘everything’.

"It happens,” Clint said casually, looking down the range at the target.

Bruce fidgeted, wanting very much to run away but knowing that wouldn’t help anything. “Would… um… would you like an explanation?”

Clint turned towards her, looking her up and down before answering. “Would it help?”

“I don’t know.”

Clint sighed heavily, shaking his head. He walked over to the wall, where the bows were stored, and put the bow he had been using away. It wasn’t one of _his_ bows, SHIELD had kept those, but it was a decent replacement. He took his time doing it, before finally turning around. “Okay, fine, let’s hear it.”

She really hadn’t intended to have this conversation in a room filled with weapons. Not that she was in any real danger, given the Hulk. How Hulk-proof was the archery range, though? A surprising number of rooms in the Avengers-areas were rather Hulk friendly thanks to Tony, something that was rarely utilized. She should probably find that out.

She was stalling. When Clint’s impatience became visible, she finally managed, “I’m transgender.”

“What?” Clint asked, just staring. He shook his head, “What does that even mean? Is that, like, do you have both parts or something?” Clint ran a hand through his hair, “Not that it’s any of my business, although, I guess, I’d kind of like it to be my business.”

“Erm, well, no,” Bruce said, “My body’s fairly… standard.”

“Okay, then, what? You were born a woman?”

Bruce bit back a ‘yes’, knowing that would only confuse the situation further. “I, um, haven’t taken any hormones or gotten any surgery to change my body…” she explained awkwardly.

“Then… what?”

“I…” her tongue tripped over itself before she could finish the sentence. It was something she had never actually said out loud before. “I identify as a woman.”

Clint frowned, rubbing his chin as he tried to sort everything out. After a few moments he finally asked, “Why?”

“Excuse me?” Bruce asked quietly.

“Well, just, why, wouldn’t it be easier not to?”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” she replied icily, crossing her arms.

Clint held up both hands, “Okay, okay, sorry, I’m just new to this… I really don’t get how it works.”

Bruce nodded, relaxing her shoulders. “What do you want to know?” she asked in a kinder tone. 

There was a long silence as Clint pondered that question. It wasn’t just what he _wanted_ to know, also what he actually felt he had a right to ask and what was least likely to end with him being smashed to the floor by a raging green monster. Eventually he licked his lips, “How does it effect relationships?”

Bruce paused, taken aback by the question. She bit her lip, “I’m not really sure, I try to avoid them because of it… I don’t… I don’t want anyone to know, so publicly I’d just be yo--er, a boyfriend…” she shook her head, “But that’s not who I am. It just seems overly complicated and really not worth it.”

“Does anyone know?” Clint asked quietly.

“Tony and Pepper,” she said quietly, “I think my family figured it out, or figured something out, I don’t really know for sure. I never told them.”

“Aren’t you ever going to do something about it? I mean- you said, there’s surgery and stuff you could do…” 

Bruce shook her head and looked down, “I don’t want to get into that right now, but no. It’s not an option.”

Clint shrugged, “Fair enough.” 

They stood in silence for a little while. Clint kept looking at Bruce while Bruce refused to make eye contact. 

“So why did you start avoiding me now?” Clint asked, “I’m guessing this didn’t just come on last month.”

“Sorry,” she said, flinching slightly. She shifted her weight, “Just... um… well… I… I like you and you… seemed to like me and I didn’t want to tell you and I couldn’t really handle being around you and I didn’t know what else to do.”

“What changed your mind about telling me?” he asked softly, taking a step towards her. 

“Steve told me I should try to trust the team more,” she said with a lopsided smile, “And avoiding you wasn’t working very well.”

Clint smiled slightly at that, shaking his head. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay… um… I’d like to say this isn’t a big deal, but, well…” Bruce ducked her head and nodded. Clint sighed, “I just need a little time to process this, okay?”

“Um, yeah, of course,” she replied, forcing a smile. “Let me know if you have any... questions or anything.”

“I will, thanks,” he said gently, managing to smile back at her.

They stood like that for a moment, both of them trying to think if there was anything else to say. Eventually Bruce just nodded, “I'll, uh, let you get back to your archery.”

“Alright... yeah, I'll see you later,” Clint agreed quietly.


	16. Processing with Archery

Clint stayed in the archery range and practiced until his muscles ached. After that, he was still no closer to figuring out what to do about the situation. He didn’t expect any epiphanies to strike him, either. Clint grumbled to himself, figuring out his options. He supposed talking to someone was his best bet at figuring out what to do. Normally he’d go to Natasha for counsel, she was always level-headed and her advice had gotten him out of a few scrapes. Telling her didn’t seem like a very good idea. Even if he knew how to explain it, he didn’t exactly have permission. That narrowed his options down to two people that he knew of- Tony and Pepper. Tony was obviously a bad choice, it was impossible to get a straight answer out of that guy. 

Which just left Pepper. And while she was a perfectly lovely woman, Clint could count the number of times he’d spoken to her on one hand. 

He grimaced.

“Hey, JARVIS?” he asked warily.

“ _Yes, Agent Barton?_ ” the AI replied smoothly.

“Um… Is there any time Pepper’s free for a talk? It’s not anything really important… it can wait,” he said uncertainly, rubbing his neck.

JARVIS was silent for only a second before replying, “ _Miss Potts has time in the afternoon, I can request that she keep it open._ ”

“Sounds great, thanks, let me know if she does or not,” he muttered. As with most conversations with the AI, Clint left it feeling massively unsettled by the reminder that virtually every action in the tower was monitored. There wasn’t even an intercom he could turn on or off, there seemed to just be microphones and speakers and whatever else built into every wall. Not that he didn’t appreciate everything Tony had done for them or anything but, geez, didn’t the guy know the meaning of the word “privacy”?

Clint shook his head and decided to get a shower to clear his thoughts.

* * *

 

If he were being honest with himself, which he was trying to be, Clint would have much preferred it to turn out that Pepper didn’t have time to meet that day. Or any day, really, the conversation just seemed like it’d be all kinds of uncomfortable. When he turned up and found out that he was going to be seeing her in her giant CEO of Stark Industries office in between meetings with people far more imposing than Clint, well, that didn’t make the situation any better. He walked in, suddenly feeling far underdressed in his jeans and t-shirt, dearly wishing he had some excuse to run the other way. 

Clint had heard about the office from Natasha’s time as Natalie Rushman, but it was still imposing. His eyes quickly scanned the room, mostly out of habit, before settling on Pepper. The woman was in an immaculate suit, shifting through files on her Stark Industries tablet and computer. She glanced up when the door opened and smiled at him, blanking the tablet screen with a wave of her hand. 

Pepper stood up and gestured to the chair across from her desk, “Clint, come in.”

He walked stiffly over to the chair and then hovered next to it, unsure if he should shake her hand. She sat back down in her chair and he followed suit. Meetings in Fury’s office weren’t as uncomfortable, at least there he knew where he stood most of the time. And this was a social visit.

“I, um, I really hope I’m not wasting your time,” he managed to get out, running a hand through his hair and then quickly smoothing it self-consciously.

“Of course not,” she replied with a kind smile, shifting into a more relaxed position, “I’m sorry that we have to meet in my office, I know I’m not the easiest person to schedule around.”

“Hey, no problem, glad I could talk to you at all…” he mumbled, glancing at the ever-moving object on her desk for a moment. Eventually he tore his eyes away from it and looked at her, taking a deep breath, “I’m here because, um, Bruce said that you, well, um, you… _know_.”

Pepper’s eyes lit up, but she only raised an eyebrow, “I know a lot of things, Clint, number one being that making an assumption about what someone else knows is dangerous.”

Clint bit his lip, and nodded, “You’re right…” He looked down, hoping that he had heard right and she _did_ know and he wasn’t about to make a gigantic breach of trust that would solve this problem for him in the worst possible way. Steeling himself for the work, he straightened up in his seat and looked her in the eyes, “Bruce told me he-- um, _about_ being trans…” he mentally cursed himself as the proper word eluded him. How had Bruce put it?

“Really?” she asked, watching him intently. 

“Yeah,” he said, deciding to take that as a good sign and bully on, “And… Okay, I don’t know how often you and Bruce talk but, well, Bruce is a pretty awesome person and I’d really like to be more than friends- but now, with this, I just have no idea what the hell to do.” He rubbed his face, “I don’t even know what _this_ is, really…”

Pepper put a hand over her mouth to cover the grin, giving a thoughtful appearance instead. She mulled over the situation for a moment. “It is complicated, I can’t deny that,” she said gently, “What, exactly, do you want to get out of this conversation?”

“I need to figure out what to do,” Clint said wearily, “You’re the only person I knew I could talk to who knew and, well, wasn’t Tony.” Pepper chuckled at that and he relaxed slightly. “Well, I guess my biggest question is- do I even know who Bruce actually is?”

“Do you really think finding out that someone you know is transgender completely changes who they are?” Pepper asked softly, raising an eyebrow, “I’ve known about her for quite a while now- from what I can tell, nothing’s really changed. She still spends far too much time in the lab with Tony doing the same research, is still part of the Avengers. The only difference is that she seems a bit more at ease, but that may just be wishful thinking.”

“She… I have to get used to that, huh?” Clint asked with a heavy sigh, shaking his head. 

Pepper leaned towards him slightly, her expression stern. “Clint- I imagine she told you that she doesn’t want anyone else to know. While using the wrong pronoun around other people once or twice is unlikely to legitimately out her, most people will just assume it was a slip of the tongue, it is dangerous.” Pepper leaned back in her chair, “I can’t say for sure, you should ask her yourself- but I’m fairly certain that she’d rather you stick with male pronouns rather than put her at risk.”

“Yeah, that sounds like the sort of thing h-- she would say,” Clint said, laughing weakly, “I’m used to that sort of thing from my assignments, I won’t slip up.”  Pepper smiled at him. Clint rubbed the back of his neck, “Is it that easy for you… to just… switch to seeing Bruce as a woman? I just have no idea how to do that.”

“Well…” Pepper said awkwardly, “I don’t have to date her…” She sighed, “Dr. Banner is truly a wonderful person, she’s actually been a good influence on Tony in ways I didn’t think possible, but it’s difficult. I’m good with diplomacy, and it’s certainly not something that would make me think less of Bruce- but it’s still confusing to me. Clearly she’s not a _typical_ woman, I’m not oblivious of that, but I know that she knows herself to be a woman despite that and that’s good enough for me.” Pepper shook her head, “We don’t know each other very well, though, Tony might be the better person to ask about that- but, then, Tony doesn’t have the same concept of reality that the rest of us do.”

“I’ve noticed that,” Clint agreed, rolling his eyes. He grimaced, “Well, great, that’s… I don’t know where to go from here.” Pepper tilted her head slightly, but didn’t say anything. “It’s not that I think it’s wrong or whatever- if Bruce were just someone I knew or even just another friend I wouldn’t care. But this is a big deal for relationships, isn’t it?”

“I think it would be, yeah,” Pepper agreed softly, then leaned back in her chair and shrugged, “But I’ve never been in that position, I don’t know how this works.” She raised an eyebrow at him, “The question is- is this important enough for you to figure out what you need to do to make it work?”

Clint stared out the window for a long minute before nodding and standing up. “Alright, I think I know where to go from here.” He smiled at her, “Thank you.”

“Any time,” Pepper said with a warm grin. She waved as he left the room, his stride considerably more confident. After he left, she bit her lip and leaned against her desk.

* * *

 

Bruce looked up when the music in the lab switched off, and immediately found herself mere inches from Tony Stark’s face. The man’s brows were furrowed and he was watching Bruce with an intensity he usually reserved for an equation that wasn’t quite working out. 

Bruce immediately jerked back, “Tony- what… don’t sneak up on me like that.”

Tony just continued watching her intently, “You were humming again.”

“Is this going to be a thing with you?” Bruce asked, shaking her head, “Do you have some sort of humming-related trauma in your past that I need to know about?”

Tony rolled his eyes and straightened up, scoffing. “Hey, last time I saw you- you were all doom and gloom, now suddenly you’re back to humming. Forgive me for thinking there’s a very real possibility you’ve been replaced by a pod person.” Bruce merely chuckled at that. Tony’s shoulders relaxed, “So, did you talk to Clint?”

“Yes…” she admitted, shaking her head at him. 

Tony grinned, “And…?”

“It went as well as could be expected,” she said softly, “He said he needs time to process it.”

“What’s there to process?” Tony snorted, but he decided to drop it when she shot him a sharp look. He switched tracks instead, “So why are you in such a good mood- it sounds like the conversation was mediocre at best.”

Bruce shrugged, and for a few moments didn’t answer. She wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that, he was right that there wasn’t any reason for her to be in a better mood now. Despite her tendency to fear for the worst, she really hadn’t expected Clint to respond horribly. 

“I guess,” she started suddenly, “I’ve finally stopped running.”

Tony snorted, "That's what I've been telling you to do from the start."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the short-ish chapter. Hopefully the next one will come sooner. The next chapter or two will be the last, and I'm thinking about making a sequel. 
> 
> As always: Thank you so much for all of the comments and kudos!


	17. Give It a Shot

Bruce was curled up on one of the arm chairs in the living area, watching a nature documentary and blowing the steam off a cup of tea. Clint watched her like that for a moment, leaning in the doorway before actually entering the room. He caught her eyes glance quickly towards him, but she didn’t say anything and her gaze immediately returned to the television screen. On the next commercial break, he got up from the doorway and made his way in, perching on the couch. 

They sat in silence for the rest of the documentary, which was about 15 minutes. They didn’t exchange looks or even sneak glances while the other’s head was turned. Neither of them said anything as the next documentary started up.

“What does it feel like to Hulk Out?” Clint asked after roughly an hour. 

Bruce startled, gripping the cup close. She watched him for a long moment before answering. “I told you already- it hurts.”

“ No, I mean, I know that, but…” he ran a hand through his hair, “What is it…  _ like _ when the Hulk is, well, out?”

“Oh,” she said softly, placing the nearly empty cup down on the coffee table. She frowned as she considered how to answer. “It’s… like when you’re asleep with the TV on, or with people talking in the room. Bits of pieces get into your subconscious, it can be difficult to tell what’s real and what isn’t- and then I get flashes later, sometimes things trigger me, like the shower head becomes a rain of gunfire.” She shook her head, refusing to meet his gaze, “I never know how long I’ve been out. If I’m somewhere I don’t recognize, I have no idea where I am or how far he travelled. All I have is flashes of strong emotions and foggy memories of violence.” 

She took a deep, calming breath and slowly released it before turning her head to look at Clint. “It’s easier, now. Even if I wake up somewhere unfamiliar- I usually wake up to a familiar face.”

“Glad to help,” he said with a nervous smile. She gave him a small smile in return.

They both turned their attention back to the television for the rest of the program. This time they shared commentary on it. It was a documentary on space, so Bruce complained when they dumbed down the science to the point of being nonsensical and Clint made references to science fiction. 

On a commercial break towards the end of the documentary, Bruce quietly asked, “What about when you were in Loki’s control?”

Clint stiffened, then gave a forced laugh. “Okay, that’s fair I guess.” He watched the television while the model with too-white teeth pretended to be completely incapable of cutting vegetables without the help of an amazing new product. Eventually he cleared his throat, “It’s the opposite- I remember everything. I remember my thought processes, I remember believing so strongly in what he was doing, I remember  _ choosing _ to do it all.” He rubbed his face, “And as many times as I try to tell myself that it wasn’t my fault- it was that weird Asgardian or whatever magic stick thing- I remember feeling like I was in full control and making the decisions I thought were best.”

He risked a glance up. Bruce was watching him thoughtfully, no trace of pity in her eyes. Clint let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. 

“I haven’t found a way to feel better about it,” he added softly.

Bruce nodded, “As much as you hate knowing that those close to you don’t trust you anymore- you know you can’t trust yourself, either.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “But, I mean, Hulk isn’t nearly as bad as Loki…”

“He was,” Bruce pointed out, “I suppose it wasn’t his fault- but… he was.” She closed her eyes, “The very first time I Hulked Out- Betty was there. He… I… put her in the hospital. She nearly died.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to…” he let it hang, and she nodded her understanding.

The rest of the program passed with the two in silence again. They got halfway through the next one without saying a word before Clint clicked off the television and turned to face Bruce.

“Look, um, I do that- I talk without thinking. I make jokes when I should be serious. And I… don’t know if I can do this without ruining it,” he said uncertainly.

Bruce smiled sadly, “I’m terrified of relationships- I have no idea what to do with them. I only ended up with Betty because  _ she _ pursued  _ me _ , and I can’t help but think she only did to get back at her dad for pushing her to be with someone else. I don’t even know  _ how  _ to do this.”

“Sounds like there’s not a chance in Hell of this working out when we put it like that,” Clint said, sitting back in the chair and sighing.

“Yeah,” Bruce replied quietly, “I suppose there isn’t.”

Clint looked over at her, “Want to see how long it takes us to fuck it up?”

“That could be fairly dangerous for both of us,” she pointed out, raising an eyebrow at him.

“That’s what makes it interesting,” Clint replied with a grin. Seeing that she still looked unconvinced, he stood up and walked over to sit down on the coffee table in front of her. He smiled at her, “What do you say to dinner? I know a great restaurant, my treat.”

She bit her lip, “Are you sure about this?”

“Not really,” he said, licking his lips, “But I am sure I want to give it a shot.”

* * *

‘ _ I should probably be worrying more about what to wear _ ,’ Bruce thought to herself as she watched her reflection finish buttoning up the purple dress shirt. She had long since given up on ever doing anything with her curly hair, which behaved best when left to its own devices. Even though Clint knew and seemed to be managing, she still wasn’t willing to go particularly feminine in public. Considering that her closet actually didn’t possess much variation, that got rid of the ability to spend hours fretting about what to wear. Clint had insisted it was nothing fancy- to just wear what she usually did. 

Her hand slipped as she tried to fix the last button and she grimaced. Okay, maybe she wasn’t worrying about her wardrobe- but she still had plenty of anxiety about the night’s plans. This was going to end badly. And with the Avengers involved, when things ended badly- that tended to involve literal explosions. Even an hour’s meditation had barely helped take the edge off her nerves.

There was a knock on the apartment door and she jumped. Hastily fixing the last button, she shouted “Be right there!” as she made her way over to the door. 

She took a deep, steadying breath before opening it. Clint stood outside the door, wearing a pale violet button-up shirt with khaki slacks and a blue blazer. When the door opened, he held up a tiger lily and gave her the most nervous smile he’d ever seen on her face.

“You got me a flower?” she asked blankly, staring at it. 

Clint shrugged, “Yeah, I mean, it seemed like the thing to do… I wasn’t really sure what you liked, so I just grabbed the first decent looking one I saw.” He started fidgeting as she proceeded to just stare at the flower, trying to remember if there was anything about allergies he should have known about. 

He remembered Natasha recounting Tony’s strawberry incident when she was still undercover as Rushman. Natasha would never let him live it down if he made the same mistake. 

Before he could figure out what to say to fix things, Bruce reached out to take the flower. “I… um… I… thank you,” she said gently, “I’ll be right back.” Clint raised a curious eyebrow, hovering in the door because he hadn’t officially been invited in. The sound of running water confused him for a moment, then he grinned.

“You put it in water?” he asked as Bruce appeared again, looking awkward and insecure in a way that was far too common. It wasn’t a surprise when she only responded with a shrug and much fidgeting. Clint very nearly leaned forward and kissed her cheek, then thought better of it and simply said, “C’mon.” He offered his arm, which she stared at for a solid thirty seconds before chuckling softly and taking it.

 

* * *

They had dinner at a pizza joint. A small, grungy, cheap place that was basically the polar opposite of Stark Tower, which Clint swore made the best pizza in New York City. The waiters knew him by name, and if anyone knew who he was beyond ‘Clint’, no one made a big deal of it. Clint hadn’t been sure if it was the right idea or not, it was hardly normal ‘first date’ material. He had a running plan for what to do if Bruce didn’t like it, but when some of the tension left her shoulders as soon as they walked in, he just grinned. He figured they both felt more at home at cheap places than fancy ones.

They fell into bickering over pizza toppings pretty quickly, even though both of them were willing to eat anything. Eventually they ordered and, as they waited for the pizza to come, Bruce again started fidgeting uncomfortably. Clint bit his lip and hesitantly reached over and put a hand over hers.

Bruce automatically jerked away before realizing what happened. Clint took his hand back casually, and she sighed heavily. “I'm sorry, I'm not used to...” she stared at the napkin she was fidgeting with, folding it randomly. If she had ever learned origami, something nice might have come out of it.

Clint watched her for a moment, propping his head on his hand. “I think I figured out what we should do when we get back.” Bruce tore the napkin, looking up at him in bewilderment and he grinned. “Okay, what did you think I meant by that?”

“I have no idea,” she muttered, running a hand through her hair and balling both pieces of the torn napkin in her other hand. “Honestly, I don't,” she added when he raised an eyebrow, “I have no idea what I'm doing, everything about this is just a bad idea.”

“That's what makes it interesting,” he said, placing his hand an inch away from hers. Her hand stopped moving and she just watched his hand for a moment. Before either of them could say anything else, the pizza arrived. Clint grinned, “Ultimate comfort food, right?”

Bruce chuckled, “Right.”

 

* * *

They avoided uncomfortable topics the rest of the meal, settling back into easy conversation. They walked in a mostly comfortable silence on the way back to the tower and didn't speak until they got into the elevator.

“So... what do you think we should do now?” she asked quietly, looking anywhere but at Clint.

“Hm?” he asked, glancing over at her, “Oh, right, um...” he rubbed the back of his neck, “I just thought it'd be a good idea for us to actually talk about boundaries.” Bruce looked at him then and just raised an eyebrow. “Like... the touching thing. Do you want me to just not touch you or whatever?”

“Oh...” she said softly, “What if I didn't?”

Clint shrugged, “Then I wouldnt.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“This is the weirdest relationship I've ever heard of.”

“Kind of had to be,” Clint said with a grin.

Bruce smiled, “I'm just... not used to it. I'm really not used to touch being a comforting thing, usually it's someone trying to grab or hurt me. Just give me a moment to calm down.”

“I do mean it- if you don't like it, I don't care if you just don't want me to touch you,” Clint insisted.

“I, um, I do like it. I'm still human,” she said nervously as the doors opened to Clint's floor. 

Neither of them moved for a moment. When the doors began closing again, Clint put his hand out to stop it.

“I'd, um, like to keep talking if you don't mind,” he said gently. Bruce nodded and they both stepped out and made their way down the hallway. They didn't speak again until after they were both in Clint's apartment. 

“I'd offer to make you tea, but I haven't got any,” Clint said with an uncertain laugh.

“That's fine,” she replied with a smile, hovering near the door until Clint motioned for her to sit down on his couch. He sat on the chair next to it, kicking off his shoes and curling his legs up to his chest. 

“I don't...” Bruce started after a moment, frowning at her hands as she considered how to continue, “I don't know how I feel that you have to worry about my boundaries so much.”

Clint raised an eyebrow at her before chuckling, “Did you think that's just for you? Nah- I've got my own issues.” He looked down at the coffee table and took a moment to wonder if he should feel self-conscious that it was messily covered in a variety of magazines. “I'm better at hiding it because, well, I have to, but, yeah, it's not just for you.” He glanced at Bruce out of the corner of his eyes, a bit relieved to see she was staring at the magazine strewn table as well. “Most of it is, um, ways I can't really deal with being touched...I mean, it won't kill me, but it puts me in a bad place, y'know? You probably don't really have to worry about it for awhile, you don't really seem ready for much physical stuff.” 

“No...” she agreed softly, looking up at him, “But is there anything you want to... I mean, just in case?” 

Clint glanced up at her and smiled, “Heh, I guess the thing most likely to come up is that I really don't like having my neck touched.”

“Alright,” she agreed with a smile, “I can understand that.”

Clint leaned back in his chair, “I know you don't want to be out... So, uh, if we decide to do this thing for real, what do you want me to call you? Boyfriend? Partner? Just not tell anyone?”

“I don't think the last is an option, I don't think we could hide it from Natasha or Tony,” she said with a small laugh, “I guess partner's alright. I'd rather the press not hear about it for awhile, though.”

“Yeah, I'd rather not be dragged on the talk shows about being the first gay superheroes or whatever,” Clint said, rolling his eyes, “Not that we could tell them how off they were.”

“Heh, yeah,” she said quietly, biting her lip, “What do you actually think about that?”

Clint stared at the ceiling for a few moments before speaking. “I don't know, honestly. I believe you, but it's still kind of weird to get my head around. Even if you were a normal wo- I mean, um, I'd still want to date you. I still want to date you. I just don't know if I can do it right.” Clint sat up and smiled sadly, “I'm probably going to make a total mess of this, but I'll also try to fix it.”

“I think that's all I can ask for,” she said with a grin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that certainly took longer than I intended. Let's see if I can get this finished.


	18. Natasha

Natasha quickly flicked her eyes over Fury's office as she entered it. It used to be very uncommon to be summoned to it, but since the Chitauri she had been a fairly regular visitor. Every time, the office was exactly as it had been the time before, nothing moved even an inch.

“Agent Romanov,” the director said, turning away from the window and gesturing for her to sit in the chair across from his desk. She did. He remained standing.

She didn't need any prompting, they had this meeting at least once a month. She was there to give updates on the Avengers, the team as a whole as well as the individual members. It was strictly off the record. She also gave official written report, of course, but there were some things that Fury didn't want on the record.

“And Barton?” Fury cut her off in the middle of her detail of how well all of the other Avengers were doing. He raised an eyebrow and she nodded curtly.

“Of course, I was getting to him.” She kept her face impassionate as she inwardly cursed herself for even considering that Fury would let her get away with failing to mention him. Her hands tensed slightly in her lap as she considered what to say. “He has been getting... uneasy due to the lack of orders from SHIELD. It's clear he wishes to return to being a SHIELD agent. I understand why he may not be on the same level that he used to be, but he should be cleared to do beginner missions. He's been working well with the Avengers.”

“We'll put Agent Barton on missions when we feel he's ready for them,” Fury said firmly and Natasha pressed her lips together slightly. They stood in silence for a moment before Fury turned back towards the window, “I look forward to your next report. Good work, agent.”

“Thank you, sir,” she said quietly, rising from her chair and walking out casually.

* * *

 

At first, the change was subtle. Clint came to see her as soon as JARVIS told him that she was back from her mission. She gave him a sugar-coated version, they both carefully avoided touching on how upsetting things were for Clint, they laughed and had takeout in their pajamas and it was the same as it always was. There was a shift, though, she couldn't put her finger on it but she could sense that there had been one.

Then he stopped staying in her room to help with the nightmares. She let herself hope that he just wasn't getting them anymore, but knew better. She went searching for him, then, and did not expect what she found.

Natasha pursed her lips slightly, eyeing the two figures slumped over each other on the couch. If she made any sort of sound they likely would have both woken up, it was possible that they were both aware of her presence even as they slept. Neither were completely relaxed, it was doubtful that they were capable of it, but it was as close as she had seen them. Even Clint was at a level of relaxation that she had only seen when he was alone with her and Coulson in somewhere completely safe. It was not something she had expected to see in an open common room shared by several other people, while curled up with Bruce Banner.

Natasha had heard about Clint spending time with the physicist, spending time in the lab while both Tony and Natasha happened to be gone at the same time. She had wondered if perhaps SHIELD had even asked Clint to keep a close eye on the good doctor. That was more wishful thinking than Natasha cared to admit to. It would have done Clint good to have a mission, even if it was a milk run like that, good for him to feel like SHIELD was willing to treat him like an agent again. She knew that was unlikely to happen so soon, though.

Her lip twitched at the memory of being chased by the Hulk. While she was glad that he was able to work as part of a team, she still wouldn't quite trust him and wasn't sure how much the others truly did. Tony did completely, of course, but he was hardly a source of sound judgement. The rest of the team still had a respectful wariness around both the doctor and Hulk that Clint was decidedly not showing any indication of.

She wasn't about to interrupt them, though.

* * *

 

There was nothing Natasha wanted more than to brush off Clint's illogical calmness around the doctor as a good thing. She tried very hard to ignore any nagging doubts that it may be a red flag.

These attempts crumbled when, during a mission, she saw him sitting on the Hulk's shoulders. All she could bring herself to do was stare in disbelief. It was the most reckless thing she'd seen anyone do. Yes, the other team members would get close to Hulk and even work with him, but they were either super-human or protected by the Ironman suit. Clint was a normal human. A normal, fragile human whose fragility was only amplified next to the Hulk.

Her mind reeled, trying to figure out a way to get him off the Hulk with minimal risk. It was only a momentary distraction, but that was enough to allow one of the large, bat-like creatures they were fighting to make a nasty blow to her head. She was knocked to the ground, a warm and wet sensation beginning to ooze near her temple. One hand jerked to the wound while the other held up her gun and shot down the creature that had attacked her.

“ _Widow!_ ” She heard Hawkeye's voice over the comm and watched in horror as he nudged Hulk's face towards her. The monster came bounding towards her. She attempted to move away as quickly as she could manage, and was rewarded with a throbbing pain and overwhelming dizziness for her efforts. She wavered on her feet and may have fallen back down if a set of humongous, green hands hadn't enveloped her.

“No!” She shouted, squirming to get out of the grip. Hulk paused and looked at Hawkeye, who gave him a reassuring smile and patted him on the shoulder.

“Hey, Tasha, hey, we've got you,” he insisted, leaning down and running a hand through her hair, wincing when he saw the wound. She leaned into his touch reflexively and stopped struggling, before shooting him a suspicious look. He quickly slapped a grin on, “That's nothing, just rest a minute and you'll be back to kicking the asses of these rats.” He sat back on the Hulk's shoulder and turned away from her, blocking site of his mouth with his arm. She still heard, “ _We need to get her somewhere safe._ ” 

Unconsciousness started to grip her, although she fought to keep her eyes open long enough to see the Hulk gently tuck her into his chest before bounding away from the fighting.

* * *

The damage was relatively minor. A handful of stitches on her head, a few bruised bones, and orders to take it easy for the rest of the week. After being cleared by medical, she asked JARVIS about what had happened. It turned out that the creatures had been a genetic experiment by a graduate student who had gotten a little over-eager in her thesis work. Whether SHIELD would put her on their watch list or offer her a job was yet to be decided, but the government ordered an investigation into the university.

Clint was waiting for her as she stepped out of the Tower's medical ward. His eyes went straight to the bandages on her head and she rolled her eyes. He shook his head and they fell into step as they headed towards the communal kitchen. As expected, the other three were there. Bruce and Steve were making their way through enough food to feed an army while Tony was working on his third slice of pizza.

Clint grabbed a box off the counter and handed it to Natasha. “Saved this one for you,” he said with a grin. She gave him a smile before opening it to find an untouched pizza covered with olives, peppers, and mushrooms. The smell made her realize how hungry she was, and they both sat down at the counter and began eating as well.

Bruce glanced up when she sat down, eyes darting towards the bandages on her forehead. The doctor went pale on seeing them, and Natasha offered a smile. “It's worse than it looks, I'll be fine,” she insisted, gently touching the gauze, she took a deep breath, “Thanks to you.”

“Thanks to the Other Guy,” Bruce corrected uncertainly, still unsure of how to handle the thought of the Hulk helping people.

“Of course,” she agreed quietly.

* * *

 

Just over a week after the battle, her stitches were removed and she was cleared for all Avengers and mission related activities. Clint had spent most of the week hanging out with her, out of a mixture of concern for her health and sympathy for how rough it was being out of commission. It was actually quite nice, in its own way. It didn't alleviate her concerns about him completely, though.

She found Clint in the archery room, which was hardly a surprise. She watched him for a moment and frowned to herself. His pose was slightly easier than usual. It was subtle, no one else would have noticed it and she wasn't entirely sure she had. She shook the thought out of her head.

“We should spar.”

Clint loosed the arrow and watched it hit its target before looking at her in surprise. “It's been a long time.”

“Too long.”

They had been sparring long enough that it was more of a well-choreographed dance at this point. They knew each other too well, it was impossible not to reveal each move. It also demanded instant reaction, there was no time for pausing or hiding their true response. They could learn far more about the other through sparring than through any conversation.

After half an hour, neither of them had managed to disable the other and were both panting. When the sweat began stinging her eyes, she held up her hand to end it. They both got off the mat, collapsing onto the nearest bench and greedily downing a few energy drinks.

“Best two out of three?” Clint asked with a grin. Natasha just chuckled in response.

* * *

 

“And Barton?”

Natasha sat in Fury's office again. Once again she hesitated before answering, unsure entirely what to say. She knew that Fury would want to know about the new apparent alliance between Clint and Bruce, Hawkeye and Hulk. He would find out about it eventually, assuming he didn't already know. Clint had never specifically asked her not to tell Fury, but she suspected he wouldn't want to share it. She knew full well Bruce's distrust of SHIELD.

“Agent Romanoff?” Fury prompted again, raising an eyebrow.

“He's... doing better than I realized,” she said carefully, “The team has been good for him.”

Fury watched her carefully for a moment. Her face remained as emotionless as ever, she had trained too well to give anything away. “You still think I should put him back on SHIELD missions, then?” Fury prompted.

“You made it clear that SHIELD would do so when they felt he was ready, that's not my call to make,” she replied.

“I see,” he turned back to the window, “That's all, Agent Romanoff.”

She stood up and paused for a moment before leaving his office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah... this has taken far longer than I thought it would. I'm not even going to give excuses anymore. I'll do my best to update as I can. I'm still trying to figure out a good place to finish this story. I may do a sequel, if I can find the time. Endings are always hard for me, I have a difficult time figuring out an organic way to wrap everything up and say "the end". 
> 
> I'm never entirely sure how to write Natasha. I've had the smallest exposure to her out of the others, and most of the exposure she always seems to have a mask on, so I'm never really sure what the "real Natasha" is like. I hope that I did her justice and kept her sympathetic.
> 
> The writing style is a bit different. Usually I focus too heavily on dialogue and kind of ignore everything else. I read 'Story of O' and noticed the way the author communicated the story with actually fairly little actual dialogue (yes, to anyone familiar with the book, that IS what I noticed) and wanted to give it a shot. It also felt a bit fitting with Natasha, because a lot of what's going on with her is layers while dialogue usually just scratches the surface.
> 
> Update- I added chapter titles. They're primarily for my benefit so I can look back through it more easily, and hopefully will show why I don't give chapter titles usually. Yes, I know Chapter 4 is still title-less, I couldn't think of anything to call it.


	19. Why?

It was after yet another battle that left everyone exhausted. Everyone except Bruce. It was one of the encounters that did _not_ call for the Hulk, that actually had use for a physicist on the sidelines. It was still a nerve-wracking experience, of course, but it didn't result in the same bone-weary exhaustion.

A a result, she ended up helping Clint back to his room after the group meal. On the way there he made a few 'damsel saving me from distress' jokes that betrayed how worn out he was. When they reached his apartment, Clint muttered something about needing a shower before disappearing into the bathroom. Bruce sat on the couch to wait for him.

Only a few minutes later, Bruce was surprised to hear the water cut off. Not long after, Clint stepped out and grinned at her. He had toweled off, leaving his hair sticking up at odd angles and a light sheen to the rest of his body. He only had a towel around his waste and it was tied haphazardly, slipping off his hip as one hand held it up. Bruce found her eyes lingering on the towel a little too long, her heart rate increasing and ajolt of interest running both through her brain and other reasons. Quickly she glanced away.

“Nothing like a shower to make you feel human, huh?” he commented, running a hand through his hair.

“Mm,” Bruce agreed quietly, looking back at him and trying to keep her thoughts neutral, “You should still get some sleep.”

“I know,” Clint agreed, rubbing his face with his free hand, “I guess the adult thing would be to get dressed but I'd rather avoid the hassle.”

Bruce flushed and took another moment to clear her thoughts before shrugging, “You've got a blanket so you won't catch cold or anything, and I was planning on checking on some things in the lab anyways.” She took a deep, steadying breath before standing up and walking over to him. She placed an arm around his shoulder, and he immediately sagged against her, before she guided him over to his bed.

“Get some rest,” she told him, placing a gentle kiss on his temple. Once he was secure under the blankets and already halfway to sleep, she left his apartment and went straight for the elevator.

Once inside the elevator, Bruce placed both hands and her forehead against the cool metal and just stood there. Her body shook and she fought to get her breathing back under control.

“ _Doctor Banner_ ,” Jarvis said gently and she realized that soothing music was playing in the elevator as well, “ _You are experiencing a panic attack._ ”

She managed a hoarse laugh. “Can you please, just, let me stay alone in here for a few minutes?”

There was a long pause, before an ever so soft, “ _I'm sorry, Doctor Banner_.”

A small jerk made her realize that the elevator had come to a stop, which meant it had been moving. The door slid open and Pepper stood on the other side, offering a soft smile.

“Come here, I have herbal tea and you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to,” Pepper said gently, placing a hand on Bruce's back. Automatically, Bruce leaned into the touch and allowed herself to be guided out of the elevator and to the couch. They were in the penthouse's lounge, a room she was only loosely familiar with.

Pepper stayed true to her word, not once pressing for information or subtly probing. Instead, they just talked. Bruce would have imagined it was hard to do- they didn't have a lot of shared interests- but they managed. Pepper was familiar with all of the shows she'd been watching and they ended up debating the outfits on this season's Project Runway and gushing over the Masterchef Junior kids.

Eventually the conversation came to a natural lull and Bruce sighed. “That really helped, thank you.”

“Of course,” Pepper said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Fidgeting slightly, Bruce finally pulled herself together enough to say what was going on. “Clint was coming out of the shower and I...” she sighed heavily, “I wanted to jump him. I don't know how to say this in a way that doesn't having me sound like a pathetic teenager.”

Pepper smile, “I think we're all still teenagers at heart, don't worry,” she tilted her head to one side as she decided how to respond to the information. “I take it that was a new experience for you?”

Bruce nodded. She ran a hand through her hair and tried to ignore how stupid this all sounded, “I've... _never_ felt that way, I never really realized, but, um, I guess I've never _actually_ been sexually attracted to someone before.”

“It's possible, there's nothing wrong with that,” Pepper said gently. When Bruce didn't say anything else, she again took some time to work out what to say. Thanks to Tony, she had plenty of experience getting to the underlying issue with someone who couldn't just come out and say it. After a few minutes she finally said, “Of course, having sex must be quite complicated given your situation.”

Bruce nodded. “I'm not sure how to talk to him about this. 'Hey, I'd really like to have sex with you but don't know how to without a panic attack so just pretend I don't, kay?'”

“I can see why that might not go over quite as well as you'd like,” Pepper agreed with a small chuckle. “But I think he's a decent person and you should give it a try.” She placed an arm around Bruce's shoulder, “He cares about you, he may not understand immediately but he'll try and I'm sure he won't push you into anything you don't want.”

“I _do_ want it, though, that's the problem,” she grimaced, “I just... not like this.”

Pepper gave the other a woman a gentle squeeze and just nodded.

* * *

 

They fell back into talking about TV shows again. The tension quickly eased and it was again an enjoyable conversation. Eventually, Pepper said that she had work that needed to be done, apologized and insisted that Bruce should feel free to contact her whenever she needed anything. Bruce made her way down to the lab after checking that Clint was still sleeping and tried not to fall back into her earlier, panicked mindset.

For the most part, she succeeds, and an hour or two passes before Clint comes down to find her. He's dressed in a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair still ruffled from sleep but he looks refreshed. She smiles when she sees him and he smiles back, giving her a light kiss on the cheek and asking if she wants to go see what there is to eat in the kitchen. They did, scrounging up a snack and coffee.

“So, I know I was really out of it when we got back, but it seemed like something was bugging you,” Clint said. Bruce sighed, wishing she could have gotten some more time to sort out how to bring this up. She shrugged.

“You looked hot when you got out of the shower.”

Clint grinned at that, then gradually his face fell. “That's complicated, isn't it?”

“Yeah.”

Clint nodded, shifting slightly. “I'm not saying now, obviously, but if you ever want to try or whatever, just tell me what you need me to do.”

“I think,” Bruce said quietly, turning her mug in her hand, “It'd need to be with someone who actually saw me as a woman.”

“Makes sense,” Clint said quietly, running a hand through his hair. “You know, it probably makes me an asshole but I've got no idea what that means anymore. Like, I've always been taught it's based on your parts but now it's not and I _know_ that but I'm not sure what the heck it means to be a woman anymore- or a man for that matter. I figure I am just 'cause it feels right, but I couldn't tell you why I am or what it means or whatever.”

Bruce smiled at him, “Yeah, I know, I don't think I could say what it means to be a woman, either, I just know how I've always felt.”

“Heh, good, I always worry I'm screwing this up- I have no idea what I'm doing.” He shook his head and shrugged. The conversation ended up drifting for a little while before he suddenly came out with, “Okay- I know that, like, treatments exist for this, you said something about surgery, but _why_ isn't it an option?”

Bruce frowned for a moment, then sighed heavily. “While on the run, eventually I got good enough at avoiding getting caught that I finally gave in and did. I was on hormones for 5 months, trying to sort out how to pay for the surgery,” she looked down at her hands, fidgeting slighty, “It was amazing- I grew curves, my face softened, I didn't have as much of a problem keeping my facial hair at bay, I never got up the guts to _really_ dress up, but some people started thinking I was a woman just by looking at me.”

Clint furrowed his brows, clearly analyzing her under her slightly baggy clothing. She smiled sadly. “And then Ross caught up to me, fortunately I don't think he noticed, and I hulked out and...” she rubbed her face, “Have you ever noticed how many scars I have?"

“None,” Clint said with a shrug, “Natasha's been tempted to ask what cream you use because we're all sure you should've had some bad ones.”

“I have,” she agreed. She pulled down her sleeve and pointed to an unblemished patch of skin on her arm, “I got this from my dad, broken beer bottle, I needed 5 stitches and one hell of an excuse.” She pulled up her shirt, “This was from getting my appendix out when I was 10, if you look at scans since the incident you'll see it's intact.” She pointed to the back of her throat, “I got my tonsils out, too, but a doctor looking at my throat would swear I couldn't have.” Clint frowned at her and she shrugged, “My body is completely taken apart and recreated every time I transform- it seems to go by DNA, not by what it looked like.” She shrugged, “I don't really know why my hair stays, although I'm glad it does.”

When Clint didn't say anything, she went on, “So, that's why. That was actually when I got low enough to try and kill myself,” she shrugged, “I would have to start over every single time and it just would be horrible. Or I would have to never hulk out again, and before the Avengers I thought that would be a good thing, but now I know Hulk is basically his own person and it's not fair to doom him to non-existence just so I'll be a little happier.”

Clint stared at her for a long time. “You are the most unlucky person on the planet, aren't you?” She laughed at that, and so he grinned and kept going. “ I mean, just, damn! How are you not hit by lightning every time you walk outside? That's just freaking ridiculous,” he shook his head, “Okay, so, is the bad luck contagious or will I end up getting _better_ luck because you just attract all the bad luck? Because I need to know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whee that took forever, sorry! I'll try to do better in the future. And probably fail. My biggest problem with this story is that I have certain points in mind, and no idea how to properly get from here to there.
> 
> I can actually totally believe trans!Bruce in part because his canon is basically the writers sitting down and saying "How can we make this character SUFFER?".


End file.
